Tofu Will Never Pass as a Hard Boiled Egg + Curry Roasted Cauliflower

April 19, 2016 / Molly Patrick /

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Making the transition to eating a Whole Food Plant Based diet doesn’t happen overnight.

And that’s okay – eating like this is a lifestyle, not a diet. There are twists and turns and bumps and obstacles along the way. There might also be creme brulee. Creme brulee that’s full of cream, sugar and eggs.

The kind of creme brulee that gave Julia Child wet dreams at least once in her life. The kind of deliciousness that no Whole Food Plant Based concoction could ever live up to. You might get close with a vegan version, but a Whole Food Plant Based version? Not a fucking chance.

When you transition away from eating animal based foods and processed foods (including vegan processed foods) to eating whole plant foods, there are some things that with some creativity, can come close to resembling foods that you used to enjoy, pre eating like a rabbit.

Easy sleazy.

But- there are some things, like creme brulee, that are impossible to make successful Whole Food Plant Based versions of – by any stretch of the imagination.

Sorry – but flax eggs, dates and soy milk will never equal Julia Child orgasm creme brulee.

I’m not saying that the hippie flax brulee won’t be edible. It might! I’m saying that if it looks like a dessert that came from The Allergy Friendly Cafe and it smells like a food co-op, chances are it will be more chalk-like and less moist dream in your mouth. The closest thing I’ve ever experienced to a whole food plant based orgasm dessert is our Chocolate Cake recipe. I don’t know how we did it but we’re wizards and wizards can to amazing and unthinkable things sometimes.

When you make the switch to eating this way, know that there are some things that can’t be hacked with whole plant magic. Hard boiled eggs, butter, cream cheese, smoked salmon, coffee creamer, potato chips, delicious slice-able cheese that melts, bacon, and of course creme brulee – Julia style, to name a few.

You might be able to buy or make vegan versions of some of these things, but none of them can be recreated with whole plants in a way that will make you pee your pants with excitement and immediately update our private Facebook group.

And that’s life. There will always be variables that we have no control over. But what we do have control over is how we respond to those variables.

  • So instead of being disappointed that there aren’t Whole Food Plant Based alternatives for some of your old staples, work on getting to the point where you don’t even think about your old staples.
  • Instead of being sad that there’s no Whole Food Plant Based cream and sugar for your coffee, work on cutting out coffee altogether.
  • Instead of being pissy that tofu will never pass as a hard boiled egg, make food choices that facilitate a life in which eating an egg doesn’t even cross your mind.
  • Instead of feeling depressed that crispy strips of eggplant will never be bacon, create a reality where bacon doesn’t appeal to you anymore.
  • Instead of driving yourself crazy with creme brulee cravings, work on removing those cravings from your life altogether and get to a place where you would honestly prefer a small square of 80% dark chocolate.

Accepting that some foods can’t be replicated and then eliminating the desire for those foods makes this whole transition a hellofalot easier.

It doesn’t happen overnight, but the more you go without these foods, the less you want them. And when you do occasionally eat foods that you used to love that can’t be recreated with whole plants, they’ll taste strange and out of place.

I ate a piece of a baguette dipped in really expensive olive oil (something I used to LOVE) and I couldn’t believe how strange and out of place it felt in my mouth. It wasn’t at all appealing and I had no interest in having another bite.

When you reach this point, it’s almost like you want to enjoy the foods that you used to enjoy, but you just don’t. So you go back to eating broccoli and quinoa, you put on some fucking patchouli, and you start making a pair of rope sandals because, well…if the shoe fits.

This might be disappointing for a half a second, but the reality is, when you lose your taste for foods that aren’t doing your beautiful bod any favors, it becomes really damn easy not to eat them. Plus, rope sandals are suprisingly sturdy and functional, so it’s a win-win.

It comes down to this: the more whole plant foods you eat, the less of everything else you will want to eat.

And if you end up eating a piece of orgasm creme brulee along the way, fuck it. That’s life. It’s not the end of the world. Eating a Whole Food Plant Based diet is a long and beautiful relationship, not a one night stand.

If eating a shit load of whole plant foods is something that you want to do more of, I’ve got you.

The Clean Food Dirty Girl Plant Fueled Weekly Meal Plans are waiting for you. If you’re not sure how to meal plan, and batch cooking feels like a constant experiment that fails more often than not, this is exactly what you need.

Here’s what our recipe tester said about today’s recipe:

“You totally nailed it with this recipe! The latest addition to the “Fuck Yeah” binder. Amazing!!!! Flavorful. Gorgeous. Crispy and soft. Comfort food! Yum”

Curry Roasted Cauliflower

Author: Molly Patrick of Clean Food Dirty Girl

Ingredients

  • 1 head of cauliflower
  • 2 tablespoons tahini 40g
  • 2 tablespoons water
  • 1 teaspoon cumin seeds
  • 1 teaspoon turmeric powder
  • 1 teaspoon garam masala
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 cup red onion 50g, sliced
  • 1/2 cup cilantro 25g

Instructions

  • Preheat your oven to 400°F (205°C).
  • Cut the cauliflower into bite-sized pieces and place into a large mixing bowl.
  • Add the tahini and water to the cauliflower and mix well so that all the cauliflower is coated. Doing this with clean hands is most effective.
  • Add the cumin seeds, turmeric, garam masala, salt, onion and cilantro and mix well.
  • Spread the cauliflower in a single layer on a parchment covered baking sheet and bake for 20 minutes.
  • Take out of the oven, flip with a spatula and bake for an additional 15 minutes.

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Have a happy week. May it be filled with making uncomfortable choices that will ultimately make your life more enriched and happy.

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Written by ex-boozer, ex-smoker, Co-founder, and CEO, Molly Patrick. They will help you eat more plants while throwing perfection down the garbage disposal.

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11 Comments

  1. Kandy on April 26, 2016 at 6:13 am

    Molly this article has resonated in a way that I can totally relate to! I see so many vegans trying to replicate a hard boiled egg using tofu and I just didn’t get it. There are so many other foods to eat and enjoy why go to so much work for one item? I can give up cheese, bacon and meat and enjoy the foods I really like. Your recipes are something I can do and look forward to more. You don’t let us chastise ourselves if we do have a piece of that orgasmic cake! Thank you for being such a positive light for so many of us. I have many health issues (cancer being the main one) and there is NO reason why I can’t adopt and adapt to this way of eating.

    • Molly Patrick on April 26, 2016 at 6:29 am

      Hi Kandy –
      I’m so glad this resonates with you!
      Good for you for eating for your health.
      Best of luck on your journey.
      xo
      Molly
      ps – have you joined our private Facebook group yet?
      Here’s the link to join us if you haven’t yet.
      https://www.facebook.com/groups/cleanfooddirtygirl

      • Kate fleming on April 26, 2016 at 8:55 am

        Great

  2. Monique on June 7, 2017 at 8:00 am

    Guys! I know of a homemade yogurt that is just as dreamy as regular store bought greek yogurt! And I believe it qualifies as whole food plant based.
    I took the recipe from Skye Michael Conroy’s Non-Dairy Evolution cookbook.
    It’s so simple. You just blend 4 cups of soymilk (use good quality like Westsoy), 1 cup of cashews and a vegan yogurt starter (available at healthy grocery stores). Blend really well and pour into a yogurt maker to culture for 8 hours. Bam. Done and done.

    Works well as a sour cream too! It is thick and very rich.

    • Wendy Tebbutt on August 4, 2017 at 12:30 am

      5 stars
      Thank you so much, Monique. This sounds wonderful. I’ll get onto making this soooon. I really do like my yoghurt in the AM :-). And, I make a yoghurt based “creamy” salad dressing c/w horseradish – yum. Once I get making my own soy milk/cashew based yoghurt, these yoghurt treats will be completely guilt free ;-))
      Yours in Gratitude, WendyHT

  3. Sheila on January 24, 2018 at 3:42 pm

    I don’t think you have ever tried the chocolate ganash cake in the first Candle Cafe cookbook or you would not say what you did about making a whole foods plant based chocolate cake. Try it you’ll see how delicious it is and I often bring it to a gathering and when I tell them it is vegan, they have a hard time believing. It does use oil though and since I’ve made it, I’ve transitioned to trying to use no oil. I came here via a FOK email to try your cauliflower recipe. Anxious to try it but what a wonderful site I have discovered.

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl on January 24, 2018 at 4:51 pm

      Hi Sheila, My world was rocked by another wfpb chocolate cake last year (no oil) by Plant Powered Kitchen and it’s gotten a lot of love in our private FB group, so I get it. Molly keeps no cookbooks nor does she look at other recipes to keep her mind on her own creations so hopefully someone makes one for her sometime so she gets to experience the Julia Childs level wfpb version 🙂 . Now I totally want to make chocolate cake. Welcome to the Dirty side, glad you found us!

      Karen
      Team Dirty Girl

  4. Marie on January 26, 2018 at 10:38 am

    What can I say except I was shocked at your unprofessional vocabulary and suggestive language just to put out a recipe for cauliflower. I found it distasteful enough to not try your food. True-you live up to your “name”. What a shame.

  5. Kristin on July 14, 2018 at 5:16 pm

    5 stars
    I added a can of rinsed chickpeas, some minced garlic, minced ginger, and a few splashes of coconut milk bc I had it. It was good, like a roasted curry. I’ve eaten a whole food plant based diet about 95 percent of the time for the past 20 years. Not gonna lie tho, I eat processed food, ocassional omnivorous meals, fast food, sugar, etc. if a craving hits, family/peer pressure, sheer laziness and dang it just because it’s there (my 13yo son eats meat and junk (sigh)). We live in an imperfect world, I do my best, sometimes I fail. I follow the lifestyle for my yoga practice, the environment, the animals, and my well being. But that’s me, I just don’t stress about being too extreme. Good article. Love your site and appreciate your work. Hugs. Namaste.

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl on July 15, 2018 at 8:06 am

      Thanks for stopping back to let us know how you liked the recipe and for sharing your modifications – sounds delicious. It’s what you eat MOST of the time that matters and it’s awesome that you have found a balance that works for you, thanks for sharing! ~Karen

  6. April Parekh on March 6, 2019 at 10:46 am

    5 stars
    This was great! I had two heads of cauliflower. Did one with the masala and did one with just the tahini mixture for my kids. Used the leftovers in a pita pocket sandwich with some eggplant hummus, cabbage, and mango chutney. It was fantastic in all of it’s forms! Thank you for this.

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