All the Details of My First Colonic


Two weeks ago I had my first colonic.

I didn’t do much research about getting a colonic before I went in because I was worried that if I researched too many details I might back out and not do it. I mean, come on. A stranger inserts a tube up your butthole and flushes literal shit out of your body while said stranger is standing right next to you. How could anything be more physically and socially uncomfortable than that?

Scheduling a colonic had nothing to do with constipation, curiosity, or trying it out for fun.
No, no.
I have never been constipated a day in my life. I shit two or three times a day like clockwork.
I was definitely not curious about getting my colon flushed out.
And I didn’t want to try it out for the fun of it. I’m not an expert on having “fun,” but I definitely knew that THIS wasn’t it.

I’m not an expert on having “fun,” but I definitely knew that THIS wasn’t it.

I had a colonic because I was diagnosed with parasites a few weeks ago, and I was taking medication to kill off the WORMS IN MY BODY, and I needed those fuckers to be swooshed out of me as fast as humanly possible by any means necessary.

I followed the pre-colonic protocol that the clinic suggested for the three days leading up to the procedure. The protocol was basically to eat only soups, veggies, fruits, and water for three days before the colonic; super easy since this is basically how I already eat. The night before the procedure I rubbed castor oil and peppermint oil into my stomach, covered it with a hot washcloth, and laid on my right side for 30 minutes.

Before I go any further, I must warn you: if poop, pee, or periods easily gross you out, skip this post because I go into some pretty gnarly detail.

So, the next morning, I arrive at the clinic wide-eyed and innocent, not knowing the horrors that await. Before the colonic, I spent 30 minutes in an infrared sauna to “loosen everything up.”

Next, I showered off and made my way to the bathroom where I spent 10 minutes debating whether or not I should keep my menstrual cup in, or take it out. I mean, leaving it in was the safer bet, but there was going to be a lot happening in that general vicinity of my body, and my instinct told me to take it out. It was the last day of my period, so I probably didn’t even need it. Then again, I wouldn’t be wearing underwear, so if my red little friend decided to come out for a final hoorah, we would have a poop AND a blood situation on our hands.

Then again, this process was going to be quite intimate, so if a little blood came out of me would it really be that big of a deal? Then again, I didn’t want blood running down my thighs as I was getting poop sucked out of my butt. Fuck it. I kept my menstrual cup in, changed into a sarong, and made my way to what was sure to be the most awkward room in the history of rooms.

I met my colonic therapist, Pam, a very nice woman who acted like everything was normal. I laid down on the table and followed her instruction to lay on my side with my knees pulled up towards my chest and then move my sarong aside so that my butt was exposed.

Not vulnerable at ALL.

I then saw sweet Pam put a rubber “finger condom” over her pointer finger as she reached for the lube. Oh shit. I’m about to have a stranger’s finger up my butt was all I could think. But Pam was chill, so I followed her lead and played it cool. She told me she was going to fit me for the right size “scope” and to take a deep breath. Cool, no problem. I took a breath, and in it went. Pam’s finger directly into my asshole. Deep impact was happening.

She pulled out her finger and announced that I was a size small. She then grabbed a metal scope from the shelf, arranged some tubes, and proceeded to insert the scope into my anus. Christ on a cracker.

I took a momentary sigh of relief because I was fully prepared for THAT to be the hardest part of the whole thing. But oh, how very, very wrong I was.

I would say there were at least two parts of my colonic that were distinctly worse than Pam’s finger up my butt or the scope being inserted.

I will tell you about one of them.

Once the scope and tubes were in place, we were ready for takeoff. Pam turned the water on, and it proceeded to fill the tube and go straight into my colon. This was not a pleasant sensation, but it was not painful either. So far things seemed par for the course, but this was about to change.

About 5 minutes in, I started to get horrible stomach cramps. It felt like the worst period cramps I’ve ever had, combined with the feeling you get right before you have explosive diarrhea. I was nauseous, and my skin had goosebumps all over. All I wanted was a toilet.

I told Pam that I needed to go to the bathroom. She said that the feeling is normal and that if I relaxed and released, the water and the tube would take care of the rest. Yes, I was supposed to let it go and have diarrhea right there on the table. The shit wouldn’t actually go on the table, it would go into the “exit” tube and then be carried away. But this was so counterintuitive. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t imagine a scenario where I relaxed and let go and poop didn’t come cascading out of my butt, making its way around the scope and gushing all over the table and onto sweet Pam.

I told her that I had to get up and go to the bathroom. She said no problem and that she wanted me to be comfortable. She took the scope out of my butt, and I made a mad dash to the toilet.

To get to the toilet, I had to exit the room and pass the hall that led to the reception area. As I was scurrying as fast as I could, trying to keep my sarong from falling down, I felt water and poop free-falling out of my butt and onto the floor. I could not stop it from gushing out. I was doubled over, doing the fastest crab crawl I could muster, squeezing my butt cheeks together with all my might, as I made my way to the bathroom.

As luck would NOT have it, the receptionist happened to be walking down the hall just as I passed by, a trail of water and poop behind me. I reached the bathroom knowing that it was too late, but also knowing that I was nowhere near done. I took off my sarong, I sat on the toilet, and I shat for a good 10 minutes. It was a never-ending stream of brown liquid, racing out of me with urgency. When I was done, I cleaned myself up and I took out my menstrual cup because at this point it was clear that a little blood was the least of my concerns. I changed into a new, clean sarong and walked back to the most awkward room in the universe, ready to try again.

I changed into a new, clean sarong and walked back to the most awkward room in the universe, ready to try again.

Someone had cleaned up my trail of poop because when I walked back to the awkward room, the floors were squeaky clean. Whoever cleaned up my shit, I thank you. I told Pam what happened, and she said that it was no problem – that whether I released it in the tube or in the toilet, the most important thing is that it was out. I told her that I was determined and that I wanted to try again.

So, up on the table I went, onto my side, sarong moved out of the way, knees up, scope in, water flowing. It was not comfortable, but I did it. I was on the table for the next hour. When it was all said and done, I had 3 pounds of poop, dead parasites, and fecal debris swooshed out of me. When it was over, I thanked Pam, got dressed, and walked out to my car feeling thoroughly cleaned out. Later that night, I learned the valuable lesson to never trust a fart after a colonic.

I am no longer a colonic virgin and sadly, this will not be my last. My parasite story is far from over, so there will be more colonics in my future. I am in the process of ridding myself of the parasites that I likely picked up in Southeast Asia in 2019. They are stubborn little fuckers, and I don’t know exactly what it’s going to take to get them gone, but I am on a quest to find out. They have definitely worn out their welcome.

Have you ever had a colonic or parasites? Am I the only one who shat on the floor? Bueller?

Talk to me in the comments below, I would love to hear about your parasite/colonic/shitting on the floor woes.

Wishing you a happy week. May it be filled with finding the humor of it all.


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Our Sweary Saturday Love Letters are written by our ex-boozer, ex-smoker, plant-loving co-founder, Molly Patrick.


  1. Dorothy Johnstone on May 16, 2020 at 9:16 am

    My mom and I used to get colonics (weird family activity, I know). Scary what comes out! But the best thing was that our colonic lady was named Betty Surprise! Lol ❤️

    • Dawn Ellis on May 16, 2020 at 10:51 am

      Somehow that woman was destined to be involved in colonics!

    • Molly Patrick on May 16, 2020 at 11:44 am

      You are kidding??? Betty Surprise??
      That just made my whole weekend.
      Thank you for sharing. lol!

      • Sabrina on May 31, 2024 at 5:27 pm

        I’ve had one done professionally using an “open system” which I believe would’ve been the way to go for you since there would have been no need to get up and go anywhere. You’re basically chillin on top of this gigantic toilet-tub-bed thing and there’s just a single tub you lube up with coconut oil and insert yourself. They pump you full of a warm purified saline water solution and you can either have someone hold your hand through the process or chose to fly solo. Personally I was actually advised AGAINST going by my doctor, but I’ve been fascinated with the the whole idea since reading a story when I was like 14. Could’ve very well been all bullshit but someone apparently birthed a 6ft long mummified shit-rope and lost 14 pounds after having one done and that was that. I knew I’d eventually get around to it one day, and I did! I don’t eat vegetables like at all, besides the useless ones LoL so I figured 30 some-odd years of nothing but meat cheese and potatoes had to be the perfect recipe for a massive shit-rope of my very own! I was kind of juiced going in. I undressed and hopped in my gown and up onto the shit-bedamabob (that oddly resembled a cornhole table!) I generously lubed up the little hose along with where it was about to go, slid it in and the shitguru-gal turned on the machine as soon as I gave her the nod. Wasn’t unpleasant at all, she kind of aggressively massaged my belly a bit and told me not to push for as long as I could manage, which felt like a LOOOONG time. I decided I wanted to be alone when gravity took it’s course and HOLY SHIT I must’ve heard that enormous tub flush like 12 fucking times! About a half an hour through it all I got a little crampy and let out what has to be one of the worlds longest farts since the beginning of farts. Seriously I knocked on the door to ask lady cacaguru if it was normal and she chuckled. Totes normal on account of gas being trapped in our colon? I was just glad it didn’t smell like anything had died. I stayed on the shitoiletubed for about an hour and was bummed I only got to see the last round of poopwater that hadn’t managed to flush itself down yet. Alas, no shit-rope 🙁 she grabbed a Popsicle stick and fished out a ton of clear stringy worm lookin’ things tho which totally grossed me out. Said they’re pretty much the norm these days. Gnarly. But yeah go for an open system if you can. Might have a better experience.

  2. Nancy on May 16, 2020 at 9:21 am

    Molly, thanks for sharing that very interesting story. Never had a colonic myself, but have shit my pants thinking it was only a fart. Not fun at all. Good luck in the future.
    P.S. I think you’re fabulous.

    • Molly Patrick on May 16, 2020 at 11:44 am

      Ahhhhh, the hilarity of being human!
      Thanks for the love!

      • D. on May 16, 2020 at 6:22 pm

        Never had a colonic, but after a terrible GI experience in Haiti, I went to my primary care doc’s office where she told me to leave a stool sample because she was afraid it was cholera. Long story short, my attempt to catch a sample using the equipment provided was a mess… And I have felt rueful and embarrassed ever since. Fortunately, it was not cholera.

        • Lesley Nicol on May 16, 2020 at 7:53 pm

          I am like you, regarding the feeling of embarrassment. I wish I could be like Molly and other folk who can laugh off uncomfortable or embarrassing situations

          • Mon on March 4, 2021 at 7:54 pm

            Hello! I’ve done colonics to help with my sluggish digestion. Not fun at all I totally agree. Curious if you actually saw any of the parasites in the released stool. Also what were your symptoms that led you to find out you had a parasite? Thanks!!

        • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Steph on May 18, 2020 at 12:36 pm

          Oh, wow. We’re sorry to hear about your difficult experience, but we’re so happy it was good news. Sending you love and light. ❤️

  3. Suz on May 16, 2020 at 9:34 am

    You’re not alone my sweet digital friend. I had a colonic and had to use the bathroom. The difference was that I had been constipated for WEEKS. So you can imagine how it went. You are brave. I called it quits, never got back on the table for treatment and haven’t been back since!

    • Molly Patrick on May 16, 2020 at 11:46 am

      It’s rough!
      I applaud you for trying it out!
      Hopefully your constipation has resolved with eating so many plants!

  4. Monica on May 16, 2020 at 9:36 am

    I have had a few colonics over the years so I understand your feelings. I was a bit shocked last week when I heard you were taking parasite medication and going for a colonic so soon after. It seemed crazy to me to put medicine in your body and instead of allowing it to work you were jumping the gun and flushing it all out. I am not a doctor or medical person but it would seem to me that you should have the colonic first and then take the meds. All of my advice is said with ?love? what the hell do I know but maybe just consider it. Hope you fell better soon. Xxx

    • Molly Patrick on May 16, 2020 at 11:48 am

      Who knows! I followed the advice of my doctor and the colonic clinic.
      The medication and colonic combo definitely helped because lots of parasites came out of me!
      Super gross, I know!
      Thanks for the love!

      • Nicole vH on May 17, 2020 at 3:15 am

        Wait, are you saying that you could actually SEE the little bastards after the colonic??!! Dear God. I may never visit Asia now.

        On the colonic front, a friend of mine had a colonoscopy and after it was done felt like he had to use the toilet….so they pointed him towards the bathroom – a LONG ways down the hall…he said he made it halfway before it ALL came out, running down his legs onto the floor. So, you’re not alone. Thanks for sharing your story and good luck getting rid of the little wormy bastards. ?

      • Lala on April 5, 2022 at 2:47 am

        Loved this post molly thank you for sharing

        How did you know you had parasites and what’s the update now x

        • Team Dirty - Brittany on April 14, 2022 at 11:41 am

          Hello Lala! I asked Molly for you, and she said, “I went to a holistic doctor and he thought I had them. I’m fine now – no more issues :slightly_smiling_face:”.

      • Jj Riverhill on July 4, 2022 at 1:23 pm

        Are you parasite free? Dealing with the same thing at the moment. You can you certain herbs wormwood, ginger, peppermint.

        • Stephanie from Team Dirty on July 4, 2022 at 3:25 pm


          Molly was tested for parasites by her regular doctor a few months afterward, and they couldn’t find any. She later found relief from her skin condition by changing her diet slightly and using a new skincare regime.

          Thanks for checking in!

      • Sammy on November 2, 2023 at 4:47 pm

        Hi Molly, did you take the meds first or do the colon hydrotherapy first? And was it Membendazole you took? These things are so scarey and I’m going through it right now and would love to know ♡ thanks

    • Lindsey t on December 14, 2023 at 4:11 pm

      The meds kill the parasites.. the colonic helps the body remove them

  5. Koren on May 16, 2020 at 9:37 am

    This has me cracking up!! I have had a few colonics but thankfully none as eventful as this! I know that feeling you described well though!

    • Molly Patrick on May 16, 2020 at 11:49 am

      lol! Thanks for the suggestion.

  6. Dmitri on May 16, 2020 at 9:42 am

    ZOMG! Did they not knock you out??? Not sure how different it is from a colonoscopy (as in, how far in does the scope go during a colonic?) but they knocked me out each time I’ve had a colonoscopy. Even then I woke up during the procedure, complete with the screen showing the inside of my colon standing right in front of my face! Joy.

    The worst part of the c-scopy for me is the prep: on the 2nd day before, you stop eating, and the entire day before you drink this vile substance to clean you out; basically a chemical colonic! Now I’m asking, as long as they’re up there to look around…………..

    Anyway, I feel ya, sister! Be strong and remember: you’ll laugh about this in a couple years!

    • Molly Patrick on May 16, 2020 at 11:49 am

      I am laughing about it now!!!!!

    • Susan on May 16, 2020 at 2:57 pm

      Dimitri, I too wake up during colonoscopies. The first one I got, my Doc let me look at the screen. He said, ” See that? That squirming pinkie -finger -like thing? ” I said, yyyeess. He said that it was my appendix – mine is inside!! So, I don’t have to worry about having a burstingng one.
      It was very interesting, indeed. Just wanted to share. Stay safe and healthy.

    • Ophi on May 16, 2020 at 8:49 pm

      Colonics are different from a colonoscopy. It’s just a tip penetration. You aren’t actually just lying there, you kind of have to be an active participant to retain the fluids they pump in. The only similar thing is the food prep. They also want you to be very hydrated, so that its easier to move the caked debris, whereas the colonic prep pretty much empties you out for a clear visual.

      • Lori on May 19, 2020 at 9:52 pm

        Will you enlighten us on the other “worst thing” next week?

        • Molly Patrick on May 20, 2020 at 11:58 am

          Some things are better left unsaid.

  7. Valerie on May 16, 2020 at 9:43 am

    I’m sitting at my desk laughing so hard right now. Soooo funny, but not funny! Because I get it, even down to the “never trust a fart” after a colonic. I’ve never had a professional colonics done but I did personal enemas at home with an enema bag for years, and still occasionally do for a good cleaning out. The process was taught to me by a naturopath many years ago. I was young, sick, and needed a serious detoxing. I’ve been lucky enough to be able to do this in the privacy of my own bathroom. I can still remember the first time I did it, lying in the bathtub bawling my eyes out at the indignity of it all and then bawling some more as I stared at all the shit all over the floor because I didn’t make it from out of the bathtub onto the toilet fast enough. Fast forward a bit, as you get cleaned out it becomes easier to control the feeling of the need to go “right now”. No more messes to clean up. What I can tell you is that it transformed my health and put me on a better lifetime path that has served me well. And like I said I still do a series of them occasionally when I feel “stuffed”. So stick with it dear Molly, it will become like 2nd nature to you and you will walk into that Dr.’s office, head held high, looking forward to your treatment and ready to blast out every one of those damn parasites. 🙂

    • Molly Patrick on May 16, 2020 at 11:50 am

      omg – I needed to hear this!
      Bless you! I am taking your words with me the next time I have a colonic!

  8. Nancy on May 16, 2020 at 9:54 am

    Bless you Molly! Good grief. What an adventure!
    (By the way you are a great storyteller) I have a question re diagnosis. Did you ever get a positive ova and parasite stool culture? My GI guy has suggested I “may” have a parasite despite a negative o & p stool sample. Also, are the antiparasitic meds you are being treated with natural or prescription? Thank you for your live session this week and for your always funny candor. Not that I am laughing at your exploits at all (well maybe just a little bit-and by little bit I mean water leaking from the eyes) You are a hero!

    • Molly Patrick on May 16, 2020 at 11:57 am

      Please, laugh all you want!
      I am laughing with you 🙂
      I am in the midst of getting my stool tested to get a second opinion from my first diagnosis that was not done by a stool sample.
      I have to do it several times so it’s a process.
      I took Praziquantel. It definitely worked because lots of parasites came out of me during my colonic.
      So glad you enjoyed the live last week!

      • MM on November 24, 2021 at 10:53 am

        Hi Molly
        1. Did u see the parasites, or did the technician tell you she saw it?
        2. What type of parasite were you diagnosed with?
        3. It’s over a year since this post, are they gone, how long did it take?
        Thank you for your site

        • MM on November 24, 2021 at 11:06 am

          Further down I see round worms and fluke parasites were diagnosed and seen by the clinician.

          Hope there is an update about how long the eradication took.


        • Stephanie from Team Dirty on December 1, 2021 at 10:44 am

          Hi! Thanks for commenting!

          This was Molly’s only colonic. She was tested for parasites by her regular doctor a few months afterward, and they couldn’t find any.

          She later found relief from her skin condition by changing her diet slightly and using a new skincare regime.


  9. Rachel on May 16, 2020 at 10:11 am

    I’m sorry this was your experience, and I truly hope that your huge group of followers realize that this is *not* a scary or horrible experience for everyone. I would hate for someone who truly needs a colonic (or hydrocolonic as my practitioner calls it), who has never had one, read this and be totally prettified. I’m truly surprised this clinic doesn’t have a bathroom connected directly to the treatment room. Releasing the bowels after treatment is normal, and no one should have to walk more than 3-5 feet to the toilet. MILD discomfort and cramping are normal and okay. I’m grateful more than ever now to go to the practitioner I go to; she uses slightly warmed oxygenated ph balanced water which helps minimize cramping. She’s also a wonder at conversation if that works for you, but will keep it quite I’d you need that too. There’s also suggested ‘dance’ moves to do posted near the potty to get the last bits out after the treatment. Also, she’ll discuss with you what kind of pooper you are, and how to improve on matters. I’d suggest anyone reading this to trust the process, trust the equipment, and let the shit flow out like it never has before!

    • Molly Patrick on May 16, 2020 at 11:59 am

      I am only sharing my experience as a first timer.
      I’m sure my next one will be a better experience.

  10. Mary Ann on May 16, 2020 at 10:23 am

    Hey Molly,
    Curious about the effects of the medications and the colonics on your microbiome. Did having said parasites have any effect on your daily BM’s. How about a simple oral bowel prep(which on its own is not so much fun)? Have you looked into that? And my final question/comment: why wouldn’t someone who is a professional poop inducer not have a toilet or the very least a commode more convenient to you?
    Yours in health,
    Mary Ann

    • Molly Patrick on May 16, 2020 at 12:02 pm

      I don’t have all the answers, but this is ongoing and I will keep everyone posted when I get to the bottom of it.

  11. Susan Wright on May 16, 2020 at 10:41 am

    sounds pretty scary glad it was you and not me

    • Molly Patrick on May 16, 2020 at 12:00 pm

      It wasn’t scary to me, just awkward 🙂

      • Susan Gail Wright on May 18, 2020 at 12:26 pm

        I thought it sounded scary but I am glad it wasn’t to you

  12. Nicole on May 16, 2020 at 10:50 am

    Wow-hope those parasites take a hike! I had a colonic once and only once. It wasn’t painful, but uncomfortable. The facilitator was so nice, trying to ease my discomfort. Similar thing happened to me though-I had to run to the bathroom, trail of everything on the floor as I ran. When I got to the bathroom, I threw up and then proceeded as you to empty everything fur s good 10 minutes. Good times. I’d consider going back as this was 15 years ago now, and I don’t think this will happen every time. 🙂

    • Molly Patrick on May 16, 2020 at 12:04 pm

      Oh my gosh! I can soooo relate!
      I’m going back for more soon! I’ll keep you posted.

  13. Leslie on May 16, 2020 at 11:27 am


    I’ve never had parasites that I know of, but an emergency colon surgery left me alive and healthy, but with the knowledge that I’d always need to know where the bathroom is no matter where I am.

    I rescued dogs for some years and ended up with five permanent residents. I’m spite of wormers from the vet, they all seemed to me to still have signs of parasites. (Itchy skin, some strange bowls habits)

    So I did some research and found that raw pumpkin seeds were supposed to kill parasites. I didn’t have any reason not to try, so I ground up a week’s worth of doses in a coffee grinder and started giving them a teaspoon twice a day with meals.

    It took about a week to see results and the worms that came out of those poor pups was amazing. I gave them the ground seeds for another month and by then, all of their symptoms had cleared up.

    I have no idea if this works in humans. I took the ground seeds along with my dogs (about 3 T) and didn’t see anything come out, but I don’t think I had any.

    Wishing you the best.

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Steph on May 18, 2020 at 12:05 pm

      Hi Leslie! We’re so happy your pups are feeling better. Molly’s read about raw pumpkin seeds too and is looking into it. Thanks so much for sharing! xo

  14. Jill on May 16, 2020 at 11:46 am

    I was holding my breath while reading this. If anyone can turn poop trauma around, it’s you! May those parasites take f**king hike real quick like. Xo

  15. Anneamrie on May 16, 2020 at 1:13 pm

    I have had a parasite (I forget what kind) but I took some natural stuff the dr. gave me and after months of taking it, success. I could tell when it was gone in how I felt, there was a shift in my guts and how I felt afterwards.
    I have pooed myself thinking it was gas, pretty embarrassing but could have been way worse. I was at work at the time. Good thing for lunch breaks to be able to go home and change!
    I have never had colonics but have considered it in the past.
    Best wishes.

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Steph on May 18, 2020 at 12:09 pm

      Hiya Annemarie! Thanks so much for sharing, you’ve given Molly hope. Don’t sweat the gas thing, it’s happened to the best of us ?!

  16. Annemarie on May 16, 2020 at 1:14 pm

    Gee I can’t even spell my own name, LOL

  17. Ally on May 16, 2020 at 1:59 pm

    Molly, I have had 2 colonics in the past for the same reason – parasites. I’m not sure how many types of parasites I had except for I know that I had pinworms. The technician that I had told me (and assisted me) to gently roll onto my back once the tube was inserted. She advised me to wait until I felt very full and couldn’t hold it, but not to the point of being too uncomfortable. I had to tell her when I had that sensation and she then turned the dial to allow the water in me to exit my body. We did this several times. What came out could be viewed in a cler view tube as it passed. She of course knew what to look for and what she was seeing. She advised to have 3 colonics within a period of time. I only had 2 but will probably go through the whole thing again in the near future. Thank you for sharing your experience. Much love x

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Steph on May 18, 2020 at 3:17 pm

      Hi Ally! Thank you so much for sharing. Molly has loved all the feedback from people telling her about their own colonic experiences. It’s been really inspiring. She’s just starting on this journey, but she’s decided to commit and embrace positivity. We hope your next colonic is relatively uneventful. 🙂

  18. Susan Moe on May 16, 2020 at 2:52 pm

    Thank you for sharing. I’ve never had one, but have always wondered. Curious: how do they know the parasites are coming out? Do they test the excrement?

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Steph on May 18, 2020 at 12:13 pm

      They used a clear tube so Molly and her clinician could watch the whole show. ?

  19. Melissa A Weir on May 16, 2020 at 2:53 pm

    Molly! You are hilarious!

    I’ve never had a colonic, but my teens love to remind me of their fave vacation story. “Hey mom, remember that one time you shit your pantS at Disneyland?” It was definitely NOT the happiest place on earth that day!

    Power on!

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Steph on May 18, 2020 at 12:15 pm

      LOL Melissa! Thanks for sharing, you’ve got us all giggling over here. ?

  20. Stacey Reese on May 16, 2020 at 3:54 pm

    How do you know you had/have parasites? A good site to check out…or?
    A funny tale…and boy I wouldn’t want to have to clean the floors at that workplace!

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Steph on May 18, 2020 at 12:18 pm

      Hey Stacey! Molly was diagnosed by a naturopath and she’s in the midst of getting a second diagnosis from her GP.

      We don’t know who the angel was that cleaned the floors during Molly’s visit but we do know that they deserve an award!

  21. Jill on May 16, 2020 at 4:04 pm

    Your story telling skills are awesome. I felt as though you were here in the room with me, giggling over a glass of something nice and telling me a gross story. I’m a nurse so I have a different level of grossness to most. I was laughing along with you although I’m sure you weren’t smiling at the time.

    I hope the treatment was sufficient to get rid of the worms and that you don’t have to go through this again. You know that some people actually do routine colonics for their health? although eating the good things are a much easier way to move things along.

    Worms, be gone and stay gone.

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Steph on May 18, 2020 at 12:23 pm

      Hiya Jill! Thanks so much for sharing and thanks for the important work you do. Molly was definitely giggling with you. 😀

  22. Gil-Marie Janssen on May 16, 2020 at 4:46 pm

    Molly. I love colonics. I started getting them in college and I am now 60. My colon therapist is the best and I have complete trust in her. Last year I got food poisoning and got parasites too. They were so bad I actually saw them in the toilet on top of the pile of poo that I had just pooped out. Seriously. I thought I was going to freak out. I called my alternative health care practitioner and she helped me get on an herbal cleanse and I also scheduled with my colon therapist for a monthly colonic . It took time but it all worked out -no pun intended. I learned that most people are walking around with parasites but don’t know it. Isn’t that great news? Good luck with your next colonic. I am sure it will go better. I am glad you are willing to try it again.

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Steph on May 18, 2020 at 12:26 pm

      Hello Gil-Marie! We’re so happy that you were able to get rid of the bastards! Molly’s just beginning on a long journey but she’s positive about it and ready to do what it takes. I’ll pass on your kind words to her. Cheers!

    • Vicki on May 24, 2020 at 6:13 pm

      What kind of parasites do most people have, and what should be done? What are the symptoms?

      • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Steph on May 25, 2020 at 8:47 am

        Hi Vicki! Molly was diagnosed with fluke worms and roundworms that she likely picked up in Southeast Asia last year. Her symptoms included a painful persistent rash on her face and abdominal cramps. There are many types of parasites, though, that affect people in many different ways. <3

  23. Lesley Nicol on May 16, 2020 at 5:48 pm

    Geez you’re a brave, gutsy woman. Great story and insight into the world of colonics but I am really curious about the rubbing of castor and peppermint oil into your stomach, do you know what the purpose of that was?

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Steph on May 18, 2020 at 12:30 pm

      Hey Lesley! The oils were to help stimulate everything so that she would have a huge poop in the morning before the colonic.

      It’s probably more for people who don’t eat WFPB because as Molly likes to say, she’s never had trouble pooping. But, she’s totally committed to flushing the bastards so she did as directed.

  24. Elle on May 16, 2020 at 8:09 pm

    Two things 1) this reminds me of the colonic scene in the movie “May I be Frank” and 2) Have you heard of Mimosa Pudica for parasites? Thanks for all you do and your willingness to share. Much love and hoping you are parasite free soon

  25. Ophi on May 16, 2020 at 8:56 pm

    You made me think of my old colonics doctor, and I wonder if he is still alive! He was a very old man, his wife was the receptionist… and she would sit in on my sessions! The first time is always awkward, and then you get over it real quick. I even had a series of colonics as part of panchakarma treatment in Northen Kerala… they alternate between cleaning you out one day, and ‘nourishing’ you with medicated ghee the next day! I had to hold the ghee in for as long as I could and walk back to my hut! Happy Memories!

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Steph on May 18, 2020 at 12:01 pm

      Wow, Ophi! Thanks so much for the encouragement and for the story of your experience! Molly has a long journey ahead but she’s positive and committed, and will be avoiding any medicated ghee. ;D

  26. kath garabedian on May 17, 2020 at 12:52 am

    Molly, I love your stories and your writing. It will be better for you each time as you go along with this. Before menopause, I was the queen of constipation, so I would have a colonic now and then and it helped a lot. Not the most comfortable thing, but always felt great afterwards.
    Btw, I was happy to send Richard his birthday card and even had hopes of visiting him if that would have been ok. My dad lived in that same building and I’m from the Union Grove area and travel there often. Now I don’t know when I’ll get to be there next. I’m sorry to hear that he’s going through all of this. Bless his heart.

    • Molly Patrick on May 18, 2020 at 11:30 am

      Thank you so much for sending a card.
      That’s so wild that your dad lived in that same building.
      Bless him!
      He hasn’t been able to have visitors in two months.
      We do a Zoom call with him every week that the VA sets up.
      That has been nice.

  27. Karri on May 17, 2020 at 1:03 am

    That is some funny shit! (Pun intended) Thanks for sharing and for all the laughs to go along with all the plants!
    Also…side note. I used to suffer horribly from the peri-oral dermatitis. Thank the baby Jesus mine was not worn related. Anyhow. after years of trial and error, I finally figured out that I can not use any type of products that contain oil on my face or I get it. Now that I k ow. I have not had it for over 10 years!

    • Molly Patrick on May 18, 2020 at 11:31 am

      What face cream do you use?
      I am up for trying anything at this point!

  28. Debra Chan on May 17, 2020 at 1:07 am

    I had a little laugh in a few places but I’m sure it wasn’t funny for you ?I have never had a colonic but I have had parasites! I accidentally put my toothbrush under the tap when in Zimbabwe and paid the price. By the time I got home a week later I was having stomach pain and rigours for days. It would go away only to come back every month or so. I finally met a lady who told me to take colonoscopy prep and it would help, sure enough it did after repeating a few times a week apart. I will never know if they are all gone as once in a while I get symptoms, but definitely better. Thanks for sharing your experience. ❤️

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Steph on May 18, 2020 at 11:40 am

      Thanks for your kind words, Debra! We like to find the humor in touch situations so laughing is good. 🙂 We’re so glad you’ve found some relief. This is definitely going to be a journey but Molly is up for it.

  29. Hayley on May 17, 2020 at 5:58 am

    This post is EVERYTHING! ? I have never had one but I feel like I have now. I’m praying for you to rid the worms quickly, and I’m sorry you had to go through this.

  30. Mr. Krispy on May 18, 2020 at 1:18 pm

    After reading all these fun facts, and comparing them to a prostrate procedure that I’m having performed next month, I realized this week’s installment didn’t
    include the customary recipe of the week. What gives? Who’s still hungry anyway?

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Steph on May 18, 2020 at 3:19 pm

      LOL, exactly. We didn’t think a recipe was a good idea with this post. Good eye! ?

  31. Lex on May 19, 2020 at 9:23 am

    Hope you feel better soon. No personal experience except being yelled at the turtle head is coming and me actualy looking for a real turtle. I will say having worked as a care worker bodily fluids generally are seen as the norm and expected.xx

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl on May 20, 2020 at 7:19 am

      Hi, Lex – thanks for the well wishes for Molly ? And, thank you for being a care worker in the past! It’s funny you mention the turtle head – I’ve heard this expression from my friend’s mom years ago so it made me think of her fondly and chuckle! ~Karen

  32. Julie Olsen on May 27, 2020 at 1:04 pm

    Molly I really think you should reach out to Dr. B the Gut MD. He’s a Plant Based GI doctor. I think he could really help you. He also has a new book that just came out called Fiber Fueled. Here’s his website

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl on May 27, 2020 at 1:40 pm

      Hi, Julie! Thank for you sharing! I’ll make sure Molly sees your post. ~Karen

  33. Courtney on June 20, 2020 at 5:34 am

    As a nurse, having worked cleaning up poo for 20 years, all I took away from your awesome story was the crazy need to know more about the parasite….Sorry, I can’t help it. It’s how I was made.

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl on June 20, 2020 at 10:10 am

      You are not alone, Courtney. We’ll hear more from Molly in July in her newsletter when she is back from taking some time for herself. If you’d like to be on her newsletter list, head over here to add your email address. Thanks for stopping by! ~Karen on behalf of Team Dirty

  34. CINDY DAVIS on July 9, 2020 at 11:07 am

    When I turned 40 I did a month long cleanse and part of that included getting colonics. I did a pack of 4. I didn’t feel much different after the first two, but the last two I could feel the detox effects and I felt amazing. The first time was the weirdest, but then you get to know the person and it gets better. I’ve been thinking about doing it again. Maybe there’s a groupon for it. LMAO 😉

  35. Aaron M. on August 2, 2020 at 1:13 am

    After reading this story, the only sensible question is: Will you marry me?

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Steph on August 2, 2020 at 9:45 am

      shirley temple laughing

  36. Lisa on August 7, 2020 at 5:38 am

    I have an infra red bag and my colonic person did not say to use it first or the diet before hand.
    I spent lots of time in SE Asia and Honduras working and traveling. All over Europe MX too.
    I was full of parasites and will add this,
    Diatamicious earth daily and oxy powder( ozone infused magnesium)
    I did the 7 amazing 7 day gallbladder and liver flush and will forever more. Hundreds of stones and “shit” left my body.
    I am not grossed out anymore, I love to travel, dive, volunteer internationally and this now goes along with it, whatevs lol
    Thank you for sharing! We have to teach each other!

    • Pat on August 7, 2020 at 6:45 pm

      Those were not actual stones that were expelled. That myth had been thoroughly and repeatedly debunked by actual science that includes pre-and-post imaging.

  37. Malinda on September 7, 2020 at 10:12 pm

    Yikes, that does NOT sound like fun! I had a colonoscopy at the age of 19, and I was terrified beforehand. It didn’t help that the nurses were unable to start an IV, so I had to be awake for the procedure. (I did get some IM sedation, but I was fully conscious the whole time, and got to see the inside of my large intestine…) But(t!) beforehand, the medical team tucked me into a quiet room for the sedative to take effect, and they did another patient in the meantime. I could hear her SCREAMING the whole time, and I’m panicking… but then afterwards, she seemed fine and was wanting some coffee and something to eat!

    The actual procedure wasn’t that bad, just kind of uncomfortable. I *was* embarrassed, but hey, I was only 19! The gastroenterologist said that mine was one of the best-looking large intestines that he’d ever seen, so I have that going for me… Honestly, the prep was the worst part. Back then, you had to drink a GALLON of some nasty, salty-tasting liquid. By the time I got towards the end, it was coming right back up.

    I don’t think that I’ll ever go for a colonic, but I’m a lot less fearful of such things nowadays. I’ve also learned that beans make my intestines happy (IBS), so I’m trying to figure out more (tasty) ways to incorporate them into my diet.

  38. Ashley on August 15, 2021 at 4:33 pm

    Man, I just had my first one yesterday and I WISH a therapist would have been there with a tube to suck it all out. Instead, the only ones I’ve been able to find involve you by yourself in this bed/chair with a one-size-fits-all tube sticking out of it over a depression where you set your bum. The drain is supposed to catch all your poop and funnels downward. The tube only releases water into your rectum. They told me that the stool would go around the tube and funnel toward the drain in the chair/bed. That was a big NOPE. I have IBS-C and SIBO. So not only was the cramping sensation from the water terrible, and the GI twisting of an awful bowl movement terrible, but the stool kept pushing the tube out. And then the stool kept stopping up the drain because it was so large and firm. And this was after a 3 day juice cleanse without solids. So here I was using the water from the tube that was supposed to go into my rectum as a hose to push the stool stopping up the drain. I couldn’t handle keeping the water on the whole time anyway. I did not complete the 45 minutes of irrigation. Instead, I just sat there the last 20 minutes passing large bowel movements. I did lose 5 lbs though. ?‍♂️
    And I’ve been to South Asia a few times as well and had bowel problems since. But all my parasite testing comes back negative. I kinda wish I had chronic diarrhea over chronic constipation, honestly.
    Thanks for sharing your story! Everyone else makes colonics sound easy and “relaxing.” Nope.
    I have my second one tomorrow, wish me luck! Here’s to seeing if we can reach all 5 feet of my colon this time.

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Brittany on August 15, 2021 at 5:09 pm

      Lots of luck coming right to you from all of us at Clean Food Dirty Girl!

      We hope you find relief and answers ASAP!

      – Team Dirty

  39. Lara on January 28, 2022 at 10:38 pm

    Hi there this has been super helpful to read. I had my first colonic irrigation yesterday after about seven years of IBS like symptoms. I had ruled out so many things with diet change and a colonoscopy (clear) and w a family HD of cancer and bowel issues I’ve been literally on this case for years… blood tests and stool tests in Australia are super limited and all show negative except for the common blasto parasite. AND… having travelled in regional north Thailand and eaten raw meat etc…parasites have most definitely been a query. I would see some parasitic like waste from top down cleanses but the THING I saw this morning one day post colonic was deadset a 30cm tape worm or part of it. To see that thing come out of me after al these years and knowing this is only my first colonic that may not have even reached the top end yet. I am finally hopeful. I expect to see its partner, it’s sister and all their little babies and their cousins over the next few months and i betcha they’ve been sucking on my intestinal wall… depriving me of iron and making clinical depression worse… today I feel lighter of course and a bit headachy to be honest but I am so happy to have found colonic hydrotherapy.

  40. Jeffrey on June 9, 2022 at 5:07 am

    Oh my!
    I somehow stumbled across this post after seeing what looks like…. I don’t know what in the toilet….. maybe pinworms? And then on top of that was (without trying to sound gross, too late!) something that looked like as if an egg had not been digested and so I fished it out of the toilet to have it examined or whatever. I was supposed to get parasite test prior to colonoscopy and never did. I just had my first colonoscopy yesterday at the age of 45. The prep and all was no fun but I had thought that I had some parasites for a while for some reason and then to see this thing come out of me?! But the coincidence is that it is literally, I don’t know, 16 hours after my first colonoscopy and that’s when this “creature” emerged so to speak… so I think there are reasons to go get my lab done! THANKS for the funny thread to read and helpful information!

  41. Kelly harris on February 23, 2023 at 6:24 am

    I live in Texas and for three years I’ve been fighting tapeworms and what I believe is flukes.they are starting to get the best of me.unfortantlly the doctors here don’t believe me will not help me hell they will not even look at the samples I have.i feel like my life don’t matter and they make me feel crazy.if you have any suggestions I would be more that grateful.or even help to identify them.

    • Stephanie from Team Dirty on February 23, 2023 at 12:54 pm

      Hi Kelly,

      Molly was originally diagnosed by a holistic doctor. A few months after her colonic, she was tested by her regular doctor with negative results and she hasn’t had any issues since.

      We hope you find some relief soon. It can be so frustrating to feel ignored by your medical practitioners. Our best advice is to find a doctor that will listen to you and take your concerns seriously. Easier said than done, we know. Don’t give up, advocating for yourself is so important. <3

      Big hugs,
      Stephanie + Team Dirty

  42. Tiffany James on August 8, 2023 at 11:02 pm

    Thank you for sharing. I am having one done because I believe I have a parasite from Mexico. Although my doctor disagrees and believes that my stool test will be negative. May I ask how do you know you still hathe parasites after the colonic?

    • Stephanie from Team Dirty on August 9, 2023 at 7:25 am

      Hi Tiffany,

      Molly was originally diagnosed by a holistic doctor. A few months after her colonic, she was tested by her regular doctor with negative results and she hasn’t had any issues since.

      I hope you’re able to figure out what’s going on. Sending you lots of healing thoughts.


  43. Steph on September 5, 2023 at 10:14 am

    I’m preparing for my first colonic and am looking into stories/what to expect (also for parasites). I just about died cry laughing at this whole story. You are such a talented and funny writer. Haha I’m sorry this was such a wild ride, but glad that all came out of you! Thanks for helping me know what to expect. 🙂

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