By Lyndsey Hafer-Williams
Jul 6, 2019
Sometimes, Molly really weirds me out.
Several weeks ago she sent me a text, out of the blue, asking if I would like to write a Fuckery on Whole Food Plant Based No Oil camping.
I was smack-dab in the middle of making out a grocery list and furiously researching food options for an upcoming backpacking/camping adventure.
Seriously, the woman is like Santa Claus. Or Jesus.
She knows what I’m doing, what I’m thinking, and if I’m naughty or nice. I swear that if I ate a Dorito in secret, I’d probably get a text asking why I wanted to go and eat something like that?
Anyway, before we embark on this little camping odyssey I must offer full disclosure:
I don’t camp.
I love to hike, and I thoroughly enjoy the great outdoors. I am a big believer in soaking up sunshine and fresh air, and I think all of nature is astonishing in its diversity and beauty. I play hard, and I will happily get as muddy and dirty and buggy as any other big, burly lesbian out there.
But at the end of the day, I want to come home and eat a huge meal and open a nice bottle of Pinot Grigio.
I want to fill a bathtub with jasmine bubble bath. Or, tea rose bath salts. I’m not picky.
I want to climb into my big, soft bed and slide onto cool, fresh sheets that smell of lavender.
When I have to pee, I want a clean toilet with absorbent toilet paper and a sparkling sink with lovely soap and a plush hand towel.
Upon waking, I want to get up, stretch, and stroll to the kitchen where the modern age has gifted me with a piping-hot and beautifully-full pot of timer-brewed coffee.
However, in 2015, I broke down and agreed to go camping.
For one night.
But my friends had to set it all up and break it all down. I showed up, went hiking, enjoyed a meal prepared for me while sitting around a roaring campfire, woke up, and went home the next morning. Easy-peasy.
Every year, my wife and a group of our friends get together and go on a big backpacking trek out on the Appalachian Trail and through the mountains where we live.
Lori, quiet and introverted by nature, becomes positively animated with thoughts of spending time out in the woods that she loves, away from me and my loud mouth, and with the little creatures that she studies as a wildlife biologist.
She packs and repacks her gear. She makes lengthy lists of items needed. She gives me detailed instructions, information, and itineraries. She rambles distractedly about base weight, bivy sacks, blazes, book times, caches, cairns, camelbacks, cat holes, GORP, and the blessing of trail magic.
It stresses her (and me!) out, but the day finally arrives and she’s ready for an adventure!
In years past, Lori would just take a bunch of processed junk food with her on these trips. Then I had the nerve to get all healthy and upend our lives with the CFDG Plant Fueled Meal Plans.
As our way of eating (WOE) changed, so did the requirements for her big trip. I was not feeling the challenge of figuring it all out for her last year, so the poor thing had to eat from our vegan friend’s food stash. This year, I promised to do better and set out to send her off with plenty of plant based goodness to keep her healthy, fed, and energized.
I started out by asking the awesome CFDG Private Facebook group because there has been lots of chatter recently about camping and food. You can see lots of juicy ideas here.
I also knew that Dirty Wizard Tamie is an absolute master at bringing all the plants for her family camping trips and I wanted to see what she had to say.
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