My Un-Advice To You + Minty Green Cacao Smoothie Recipe

February 10, 2015 / Molly Patrick /


Do you ever feel bombarded with healthy eating advice?

Because I do. And today I can’t bring myself to give you anymore.

As I’m writing this it’s 5:53am on a Wednesday and I’ve been up for over an hour trying to decide on a topic to titillate you with.

I have a list of drafts up in my Google Drive as long as your small intestines (seriously, the small intestines is like 20 feet long. Creepy that it all fits in so nicely).

From “Carbohydrates – to carb or not to carb?” to “Cruciferous #2” and “It’s not about being skinny” to “Scales are for snakes – skin renewing one day meal plan”. (I have some teasing out to do with my titles)

I want to tell you about grains and beans and probiotics and The Standard American Diet and heart disease and Orthorexia Nervosa (just you wait for this one) and so many other things, and eventually I will.

But as I sit here, legs crossed on my couch with my cat, Panda curled up by my side, and my retainer still in, I can’t bring myself to jump on any of my drafts because I myself am sick of advice.

This morning, right now, I don’t give a flying fuck about the “5 ways that conventional produce is killing us”, “50 more reasons not to eat gluten”, “Chia vs. Hemp – don’t get it wrong.”, “What you NEED to know about Maca powder” or “What’s the one ingredient in your vegan kitchen that’s making you tired?”

If sensationalism and scare tactic reporting dies tomorrow, I’d be good with that.

Don’t get it twisted. I love what I do, and I love that we live in a world where people are passionate about chia seeds, where Beyoncé invests in vegan companies, where healthy eating blogs are as abundant as beads of sweat in a Bikram yoga class, and where McDonald’s profits are looking McShitty.

All of this is very, very good news and I will be giving you more healthy eating tips in the future. I just don’t want you to get so overwhelmed, scared, confused and turned off that say screw it and start SHOVELING in Taco Bell because you have an information headache and SHUT THE HELL UP ABOUT ACAI (or however the fuck you pronounce it).

I signed up for a newsletter recently because I liked this woman’s healthy mission, but by the third day in a row of receiving “urgent” emails from her, sometimes two in one day, I had to unsubscribe. I felt assaulted.

She oversold it, and I was totally turned off, chlamydia style.

In our world of constant stimulation, the art of subtlety might just be the secret masterpiece.

So today, my only advice to you is to keep it simple, eat lots of plants, and turn down the volume in your head by intentionally creating space for the quiet.

I’m creating space by going to South East Asia for 6 weeks.

I’ll be going to Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Myanmar and a couple of little islands along the way.

My Saturday emails will keep coming. I just wanted to give you a heads up in case you email me and I don’t get back to you right away.

My travel blender and lemon squeezer is packed and I’m ready to go. My daily green smoothies and morning lemon water are part of my “not getting a cold” plan. So far so good.

Today’s recipe is for a green smoothie that even smoothie skeptics can get with.

Minty Green Cacao Smoothie

Author: Molly Patrick of Clean Food Dirty Girl


  • 1 1/2 cups water 355ml
  • 1 ripe banana
  • 1/4 of an avocado
  • 2 chard leaves stem and all
  • 1/4 cup mint leaves 4g
  • 1 tablespoon raw cacao powder 6g
  • 1 teaspoon chia seeds 4g


  • Place everything in the blender and blend until super creamy.
  • Drink right away for maximum nutritional benefit (shit, I said I wasn’t going to do that).
  • Add a couple of ice cubes if you like it cold (sometimes this helps if you're not fond of the "green" taste. Shit, there I go again).










green smoothie recipe

Have a wonderful week. May it be filled with lots of yummy food, sunshine on your face, dirt beneath your feet and lots of quiet time.


Written by ex-boozer, ex-smoker, Co-founder, and CEO, Molly Patrick. They will help you eat more plants while throwing perfection down the garbage disposal.

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  1. angela on February 11, 2015 at 7:55 am

    I love your blog and I love the way you write! Hilarious and informative!

    • Molly Patrick on February 11, 2015 at 4:17 pm

      Thank you Angela!

  2. Patricia on January 6, 2018 at 1:28 pm

    5 stars
    Yummy! I subbed carob for the cocoa, as that’s whats in my house, but delicious! It was gone in under two minutes. ???? we are a veg loving omni family at the moment and have been cutting way back on meat in the past 6 months or so. Our veg guy thinks we are a family of 4-6 instead of two adults and a toddler. Loving your posts and great snack ideas. I’m signing up tonight for your plan!!!

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