That One Time I Almost Shit My Pants in Thailand

floating_market-TH

I was at a temple in Thailand and I was about to shit my pants.

It was 2009 and it was my first trip to Asia to meet my girlfriend’s family and see where she grew up. My girlfriend, Luanne (now wife), was born and raised in Malaysia, which is conveniently situated in the heart of Southeast Asia, just south of Thailand and north of Singapore and Indonesia. Once we got to Malaysia we could easily hop on a plane for cheap and be in a different country within an hour. During this particular trip to Malaysia, we decided to explore Bangkok, the capital of Thailand.

Bangkok is a thriving metropolis, with over 8 million people, so we had big plans. We would temple hop, eat a ton of food, shop, go to the red light district, explore the floating market, watch kickboxing. We were going to do it all and I was pumped.

But my ass had other plans.

We arrived in Bangkok late morning and, due to typical insane traffic, our cab delivered us to our hotel just in time for dinner. We dropped off our bags and went to find food. The language barrier in Thailand is such that the best way to choose a restaurant is based on whether or not they have pictures of the food they offer. If they don’t have pictures, you’re fucked. If they do have pictures, you might also be fucked because the pictures may or may not be an accurate representation of what you get on your plate after you order.

Here’s the thing. You must have an open mind when you travel to Thailand. If you expect your plant based, gluten free, organic, no oil, small batched, wild harvested, blessed-by-a-guru food requirements to be accommodated for, you can think again. You’ll be lucky if you even recognize what’s on your plate.

After an hour of looking for a restaurant with pictures, I got fed up and decided to go back to our hotel and order something from the tourist menu. What I did next was a rookie mistake that I would soon regret very much, and one that I will never make again.

I ordered a salad.

If there’s one thing you NEVER order from a restaurant in Southeast Asia, it’s salad. You order noodles and rice and soup and tofu and stir-fries, and anything that is COOKED. You never order raw salad. Ever. My asshole is getting panicked just thinking about it. So I ordered my salad, I ate the whole thing and off to bed we went.

The next day we got up, found some coffee, and eased into our morning. We left the hotel room mid-morning and made our way to Thailand’s biggest outdoor shopping area, Chatuchak Market. This market has 15,000 stalls and you can literally find anything you would ever need and everything you would never need. You can find belts, beads, bags, antiques, blankets, rice, shoes, sarongs, fruit, scarves, tapestries, Tom Kha Soup, jewelry, DVDs, live animals – it’s nuts.

Imagine a hybrid of Urban Outfitters, a farmer’s market, a yard sale, one of those new-age Tibetan shops, a county fair, an antique store, and a Thai food truck, all wrapped up into one and then placed outside in tents in 90°F / 35°C heat, 80 percent humidity and spanning 27 acres. It’s kind of like that.

As it turned out, going to Chatuchak during the hottest part of the day was another rookie mistake. Thailand is hot, really damn hot, and after wandering through thousands of stalls in the stifling heat, I started to get dizzy and feel faint. My stomach was also starting to feel off. We found our way out of the shopping labyrinth, got on the train, and headed back to our hotel for a rest.

I wasn’t in top shape, and my stomach was making noises that should not come from a stomach, but I wanted to explore the city. So when the sun went down, I manned up and we walked to Soi Cowboy, Bangkok’s red light district. We took a seat at an outside bar and we drank 50-cent beers and smoked cheap cigarettes while we steamed ourselves in the hot and humid evening air and observed the scene.

Thirty minutes later, it hit me. I needed a toilet and I needed it FAST. From the feeling in my tummy, I knew I would be needing said toilet for an extended amount of time, which was unfortunate because Luanne and I were fairly new, so I was bracing for some awkward moments. I told Luanne that I had to get back to the hotel because I wasn’t feeling well. I gave her some money and asked her to square up, giving me a head start to bomb the base alone, without my new girlfriend right outside the toilet in our hotel room. I grabbed the keys to our room and I RAN.

Managing to not shit my pants, I got to our room, planted my ass on the toilet, and that’s where I stayed for the remainder of our Thailand adventure.

Fucking salad.

Three days later, as we packed our bags and were getting ready to head off to the airport (the items from Chatuchak being our only souvenirs from our trip), I got super pissed that I was leaving Thailand without seeing much more than the inside of our bathroom. I told Luanne that I wanted to go to the floating market outside of Bangkok on the way to the airport. Our flight was in the afternoon so we had plenty of time. We checked out of our hotel, grabbed a cab, and off we went.

At this point, I was still not well, and the reality of not having a toilet in the very near vicinity was enough to make me panic and sweat. The cab felt small and hot and I felt so sick that I couldn’t open my mouth to talk. I just nodded and smiled and fidgeted and hoped to all things good that we got to the floating market soon.

We finally arrived and the first thing I did was find a toilet. Relief. We then paid for our boat ride, met our boat driver, and hopped on.

Thailand’s floating markets are cool. Vendors sell food, produce, clothing, jewelry, and whatever else you can think of, all along the river and the only way to access them is by boat. It’s kind of like going to a farmer’s market on the water and you stay in a boat and shop. Cool, right?

NOT IF YOU HAVE RAGING DIARRHEA.

If you have raging diarrhea in this particular situation, you make peace with the fact that you may very well shit your pants, and you tell yourself that you’re going to have to be okay with this. Which is precisely what I was doing when we got out of the crammed shopping part of the market and entered the main waterway. Our boat driver decided he wanted to show off for the Americans. So, lucky me, he started intermittently speeding up so fast that our boat was practically levitating, and then coming to a complete stop. Speed up, stop. Speed up, stop. Speed up, you get the idea.

Every time he sped up, a wave of sickness would flood over me. My hands and feet would start to sweat, nausea would kick in, my stomach would flip-flop around, chills would cover my body. I couldn’t focus on anything. I had to squirm. I couldn’t hold the shit in for much longer.

The conversation in my head went something like this:

“If the poop comes while we’re still in the boat, I’m going to have to tell Luanne. She will probably already know because she will smell it, right? Fuck. If I do shit my pants, I’ll just have to sit here until the boat ride ends. Luanne could buy me a sarong and a couple bottles of water, she’s cool, she would do that for me. I could then tie the sarong around my waist and walk to the toilet with the bottles of water. From there, I could throw away my underpants, and possibly my shorts, and wash up as best I could. Damn it, I’m wearing my cute new shorts too. I should’ve put on my older busted pair this morning. Wait a minute. Why is it that I am having to think about leaving my cute new shorts in a trash can in the middle of Thailand because they’re filled with shit. WHY?!”

As I was having this conversation with myself, Luanne looked over at me and asked if I was alright. 
“Mmm hmm” was the only noise I could muster, as I gave her a thumbs up. As soon as I couldn’t clench my butt cheeks any longer without passing out, there it was. And it was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.

It was a Buddhist temple that we could access from the boat.

And it had a bathroom.

I told our boat driver to pull over, and FAST! I hauled ass out of that boat, I RAN up the stairs, and I got to the toilet in the nick of time, without a second to spare. My cute shorts were spared.

THANK YOU, BUDDHA.

After our boat ride that I couldn’t really remember, on account of focusing so hard on not shitting my pants, we got a cab to the airport and we flew back to Malaysia. From there, I would continue to be sick for the next two days, while we stayed at Luanne’s brother’s house. Not the ideal circumstances to meet your girlfriend’s family for the first time, but at least shitting my pants was no longer a threat.

I have since traveled to different parts of Thailand without getting sick, but every time I think of Bangkok, a chill washes over my body and a single bead of sweat falls from my brow.

Have you ever gotten food poisoning? Tell me about it in the comments below and we can compare notes.

Here are some pictures of our first trip to Thailand together, from almost a decade ago.

Arrival in Bangkok. All fresh!
Chatuchak Market (JJ market) aerial view
Inside the labyrinth of stalls within the market
The beginning of the stomach cramps
Soi Cowboy red light district
Inside of hotel room
Entrance to floating market
Floating market scene
Food while you wait
View from inside the levitating boat
Panic rising as I’m about to shit my pants
Booking it up the stairs to the temple bathroom….Yes, Luanne actually caught this moment on her camera.
Departure…

Wishing you a happy week. May it be filled with a happy tummy.

xo

Molly

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Written by ex-boozer, ex-smoker, Co-founder, and CEO, Molly Patrick. They will help you eat more plants while throwing perfection down the garbage disposal.

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40 Comments

  1. Sarma Ilgenfritz on September 1, 2018 at 10:13 am

    What a story, and, you tell it well! My adventure happened one New Year’s Eve. I had just finished 8 months of eating raw, felt really great. My husband and I chose to go to our favorite casino for the evening. At dinnertime, I chose butternut squash soup as the healthiest alternative to raw. I forgot it’s usually made with cream. Deliciousness changed to nausea and dizziness. Found myself in the bathroom – puking, and puking and puking. This all lasted for a couple of hours – I learned my lesson to pay attention to the details of what is in my food. Happy new year to us!

    • Molly Patrick on September 1, 2018 at 3:20 pm

      Thank you for sharing, Sarma! It sounds like the one time I came off a juice fast, only to drink alcohol that very night.
      Oh my was I sick!
      When the system is clean it can’t take the abuse!
      xo
      Molly

  2. Carrie S. on September 1, 2018 at 10:20 am

    Oh my goodness I’m sorry to laugh at you pain but you tell a good story. Im glad it didn’t keep you from going to Thailand again. And Luanne…what a sweetie. 😁

    I got food poisoning once (before CFDG) from crab cakes. Within four hours of eating them I was projectile vomiting every 15 minutes for 12 hours, the diarrhea started at the 8th hour, at the 9th hour I went to the ER and at the 12th they gave me anti-nausea meds and I slept for two days waking only to poop and maybe have some water.

    I’m not even sure where all that vomit and poop came from. I only had water once the puking started and just water/broth for three days after that.

    • Molly Patrick on September 1, 2018 at 3:18 pm

      TERRIBLE!!
      This sounds painful, Carrie – thank yo for sharing your story!
      xo
      Molly

  3. Kate on September 1, 2018 at 11:00 am

    Omg, Molly — you had me sweating and looking over at the bathroom here even though I feel fine! Your story telling is amazing 🙂

    My bout with food poisoning came some years ago when I was in Boston at the invitation of trade union folks who wanted me to speak to various groups about our labor union strike in Detroit. I was there to raise awareness and money for my fellow striking workers.

    Just before taking on a busy speaking/traveling schedule, I had lunch at a Chinese restaurant where I ate for the first — and last time — sweet & sour pork.

    A few hours later I met Boston-area labor activists at a party. I started to feel bad and after an hour of my tummy hurting I thought, I gotta get out of here. But I had no car. I had to ask around if anyone was willing to drive miles out of their way to take me to an apartment loaned to me by local union officials.

    Two guys — cute ones — offered. I was single but at that point, totally not in the mood to mingle. They drove me miles out to where I was staying. They were very nice, helpful and I wanted them gone. The first freaking moment I made it to the bathroom I was in officially inducted into hell on earth. The agony was so excruciating that even in my 40s I was crying for my mommy!

    My union hosts called the next day to pick me up. Nope, can’t go, I told them. I can only hang out in the bathroom (I didn’t tell them that). I said I wasn’t feeling well and I’m so sorry. The next day, they called and expressed worry. It’s ok, I said, but I just cannot leave this apartment. Finally by the third day I was still sick and felt terrible abandoning my responsibilities. It was a a lose-lose situation.

    It took me days to get to where I could board a plane and fly home, never having spent a moment speaking to all the groups who had specially organized events just because I was in town. Misery, thy fucking name is food poisoning (and sweet & sour anything).

    Your story reminded me of this and I’m not sure I’m happy about that…haha!
    Happy anniversary to you and Luanne — love your stories & pix! 🙂

    • Molly Patrick on September 1, 2018 at 3:17 pm

      Kate!! Oh man, I’m sorry to bring up such painful memories!!
      What an awful experience you had. Thank you for sharing it with us even though it made you panicky!
      lol
      xo
      Molly

  4. Petra on September 1, 2018 at 11:45 am

    Before my decision to go plant based ~~ met husband and friends for a wine 8 course meal at an upscale seafood establishment. Apps started it all — too rare of steak bites with carmelized onions and blue cheese. As I was super stressed from my shitty super stressful job, I hammered back a martini and god knows – maybe a beer too. Then the wine was flowing and incredible delectable appetizers and courses. But all it took was looking at the ultra rare ahi tuna …… my husband went into all hands on deck mode: paid the bill, scooped me up – somehow managed to get me to my buildings parking garage. With help from a complete stranger who I can’t recall seeing his face, I got in the car. Out of the ramp and then shortly after I puked – and I puked 🤢 for eternity. Omg – all over myself, my purse — my brand new winter coat. Got home – laid on the couch and just vanished for 18 hours. No.More.RedMeatEVER! My family says the combo of stress and rare meat I have NEVER liked did me in. Ugh. Worst food poisoning ever.

    • Molly Patrick on September 1, 2018 at 3:14 pm

      This sounds terrible, Petra!
      You poor thing. Thank you for sharing your pain with us!
      xo
      Molly

  5. Sissy on September 1, 2018 at 12:17 pm

    Hi Molly! Firstly, Happy Anniversary to you and Luanne-you two adorable darlings! Your poop story is appropos because just yesterday I nearly shit my pants! I had to drop it in a parking lot and hope no one saw but damn I had no other choice- that or in my pants in my car ew! I have a lifetime of nearly shitting my pants stories. I clearly have some kind of medical issue but it’s not like me to seek treatment so I deal with my dump-a-lump at any given time syndrome. I’ve shit in cornfields, taxi cabs, restaurant booths, dumpsters, grocery store aisles, countless parking lots, rollercoasters, over boat rails, I mean it’s endless! And don’t get me started on how many toilets I’ve clogged and overflowed in my lifetime. Holy shit and hell. If a public toilet is closed and I’m around you know who the culprit is. Remember the restroom that got closed down on our beach day on Tuesday during the Hawaii Retreat? Yup that was my doing..er..shit clogging after I had already shit in my bathing suit trying to get up there. TMI I know!

    • Molly Patrick on September 1, 2018 at 3:12 pm

      Sissy!!!!
      You poor thing, you!
      At least we can talk about it together and know that we aren’t alone!
      Big hugs.
      xo
      Molly

  6. Patty bradley on September 1, 2018 at 12:33 pm

    Reading your fuckery took me right back to one year ago when I ate a fucking SALAD on an airplane when coming home from Italy! I chose that salad cause it was the only “healthy” thing to eat on that plane and I felt so proud of myself for my choice … until the next day when both ends of my body exploded. I lived on the bathroom floor for the next 12 hours then progressed to my bed for the next week. Too stubborn or stupid to see a doctor dehydration kept me down another week while I missed going to a super cool wedding and a week-end outing with my girl peeps. I have never been that sick in my life and I will never eat any airline food on a plane ever again!!!

    • Molly Patrick on September 1, 2018 at 3:10 pm

      More shitty salad fuckery, damn it!
      This sounds terrible but thank you for sharing, Patty!
      xoxoxoxo
      Molly

  7. Shannon on September 1, 2018 at 1:26 pm

    I’m reading this on day 8 of recovery from severe food poisoning right here in the U.S. The culprit was a pre-made salad I bought at a coffee shop in Redmond, Oregon. I was on my way home from helping move my 22 year old daughter into her first apt and had to stop to take a conference call as I was running late. I live in Bend. The beast hit me 4 hrs later as I finished up my last mtg of the day. Shitty (pun intended) timing as I was hosted my girlfriends for a long planned fun weekend beginning the very next day. I was a wastrel all weekend. Thanks for coming to visit gals! I’m finally healing but it took a big bite out of my planned fun long Labor Day weekend as I’m still so weak and tired. The Thailand story gives me pain. Nothing worse than an unhappy belly away from home. Thanks for sharing and happy anniversary !

    • Molly Patrick on September 1, 2018 at 3:08 pm

      Fucking pre-made salads!!
      I will forever avoid them.
      I hope you feel all better soon!
      xo
      Molly

  8. Shauna Nowland on September 1, 2018 at 4:51 pm

    Hau’oli lā ho’omana’o!
    Caught a large Wahoo off the south of Maui by Molokini. Cut it up on a plastic table and shared it with friends.
    Decided to prepare it sashimi style. Bad move. The next day we flew to CA to go to Napa for a few days. We stayed at my mans cousins house and mind younthis was the first time I was meeting them. Went out to dinner that night and was fine. I awoke about midnight and my stomach was making sounds I’d never heard before. Next thing I’m on the pot with awful smelly diarrhea! Thankfully we had our own bathroom!
    Next afternoon I was taken to an urgent care where they gave me IV fluids, anti nausea and anti diarrhea meds. Was sick for 3 days and didn’t get to enjoy Napa like I had planned but still went and was DD for my man so he could enjoy!
    Lesson learned. WASH fish very well if you are having it sashimi!

    • Molly Patrick on September 1, 2018 at 6:38 pm

      Thank you for sharing, OUCH!
      Nothing like smelly diarrhea to put a wrench in the vacay, damn it!
      xo
      Molly

  9. Nicole on September 1, 2018 at 5:00 pm

    Omg this one had me both busting a gut laughing and absolutely cringing with recognition as we have ALL been in this situation before – albeit not in such a fancy location as Thailand. I’m truly happy that you didn’t shit your pants. They WERE super cute. And seriously, how hot were you with short hair?? Love it! (Wishing I could pull off a short hair cut…)

    Happy Anniversary ladies!

    Nicole
    Vermont

    • Molly Patrick on September 1, 2018 at 6:37 pm

      Thank you Nicole, I am super happy the shit waited until the temple as well!!
      xo
      Molly

  10. Kim on September 1, 2018 at 5:24 pm

    Oh my your story brought back very vivid memories and I know how you felt all too well. Picture this – my first vacation with my boyfriend (now husband) traveling in the Upper Peninsula in Michigan. If you have not been, it is beautiful and very remote in many places. After 4 days of staying in tiny cabins I had to admit to him that I had not gone the bathroom, no poop 4 days. Belly was huge and uncomfortable. He went into a drug store and got me stool softeners because “baby I don’t want you to feel embarrassed”. How funny that statement is now! It said it would overnight, we were zip lining in 2 days so I took a double dose as I did not want it to hit then! Well it didn’t work. 4 days later, still no poop and we were hiking deep in the woods exploring waterfalls. And the damn medicine hit. Well we had passed an outhouse about a half a mile back and I did not want to squat in the woods with 8 days of poop coming out with my boyfriend in earshot being my look out. I started to run, then walk as fast as I could with my butt cheeks clenched. Just as I opened that fucking door, I SHIT my pants. Seriously, a weeks worth of shit down my leg, on my pants and all I had was the toilet paper in the outhouse. I had to walk the half mile back to him, get the keys, get old clothes out of the car and wash with bottled water. UGH! But he was a gem, he took care of me and never told a soul although we joke about it now. That was the day I knew he was the one. Not because he didn’t act like a jerk but because I was so comfortable with him I could finish the trip without being pissy and it was to this day my favorite vacation. Still wish I didn’t shit myself though.

    • Molly Patrick on September 1, 2018 at 6:34 pm

      OMG – I love this story!
      You had me cringing and laughing. lol
      You certainly had a keeper! Thank you so much for sharing your shitty tale!
      xo
      Molly

    • Donna on September 7, 2019 at 8:24 pm

      Shoot, this made my day to know this has happened to other people. I have so many stories but will just tell you about one of the 3 that happened on vacation like you. We were in Bermuda and I had a chicken wrap. It hit me about 4 hours later and thank God I was already back at the Airbnb. I heard the rumble and I had diarrhea for over 24 hours and I had to miss our last day there because I was on the toilet every 20 mins it seemed. My poor husband had to go to the store down the road to get me medicine, crackers, Sprite. I prayed and prayed I would be better in time to leave the next day or else we would have had to stay longer. It was a nightmare. I’ve since realized I’m allergic to dairy and became vegan and no more issues but I am SO incredibly regular there are times still I will poop before leaving the house in the morning and nearly shit my pants when I get to work! One time I threw them away and went commando. Other times I just cleaned my undies with anti bacterial and went on about my day. No one knew but me anyway!!

  11. Tracie on September 1, 2018 at 5:58 pm

    Well there’s one thing I’ve learned from reading this post and the comments – never ever order salads in other countries. Or pre-made salads in the States. Or maybe any salad ever not at home. Oh my word. I’m so sorry you went through that, but I must admit I literally laughed out loud. A lot.
    Also, any relationship that can make it through that on your first trip together – that’s a sure thing. 😀

    • Molly Patrick on September 1, 2018 at 6:35 pm

      Seriously! No to pre-made salad and yes to people who you can go through something like this with – lol!
      xo
      Molly

  12. Cindy on September 2, 2018 at 12:06 am

    I made a rookie error while on holiday in Turkey. I said yes to ice in my drink. It was so hot I just didn’t think about it. Omg! The next 3 days of the holiday were a blur and I think the world fell out of my bottom. On day 3 the lady who cleaned our room brought me plain boiled potato and a huge bottle of water. She said when the locals got sick they ate potato, nothing else, and it helps. It did and i was able to enjoy the rest of my holiday.

    • Molly Patrick on September 2, 2018 at 12:23 am

      Damn, so sorry for your shitty experience!
      That’s a great tip about potatoes though, thank you for sharing.
      xo
      Molly

  13. Christina S. on September 2, 2018 at 3:06 am

    What a great story! I’ve had food poisoning once while traveling as well. My grandmother took me to Ireland when I was 16. I dont know what I ate but let’s just say I didnt get to see Blarney Castle. We had to take the bus and get off at the tour site so I spent the day in the bathroom at the castle. I actualy did shit my pants!! Being a dumb teenager I was too embarassed to wear no panties. My amazingly awesome grandma gave me her clean panties and washed mine in the sink. I guess now that sounds kind of gross but I was so touched by that. She died 20 years ago and I still think about her love and kindness on that day. She ROCKS!!!

  14. Julia on September 2, 2018 at 6:59 am

    This is so appropriate for what I’m going through right now! My dad passed away Friday morning and that evening, my mom ordered his “favorites” from a local, small town restaurant. (the only thing green on their menu is a sad salad). In my grief, I ate lots of fried mushrooms, cauliflower, and onion rings. I’ve been shitting for 2 days trying to get it out of my system. At least I have a bathroom nearby!

    Lesson learned.

  15. Lika on September 2, 2018 at 8:09 am

    Having the shits is super nasty, even when you are conveniently home, it’s even much worse when you’re traveling in a foreign country!

    I remember going through a phase about 8 years ago, where it would seem as if every evening, after dinner, it felt as if I had dumping syndrome, and it was bad… A half hour after eating, here it all comes out the other end, leaving me hungry but afraid to eat. Some nights were worse than others. But then I started analyzing what I would be consuming, especially during my evening meal, to see if I could figure out a pattern.

    The culprit? Cow’s milk. If I had it with my favorite Asian food, the symptoms were worse, also if I had chocolate milk. I decided to take a chance, and stop drinking it, and moved to taking calcium +D supplements, and that seemed to do the trick… But, of course, sometimes you just want that glass of cold milk with cookies or something, yet every time I did, same situation… Now I drink almond milk, and do not miss the other stuff.

    Since then, I’ve been conscientious about eating more plant food and less animal-based food for various purposes.

  16. Rebecca Kirkman on September 2, 2018 at 8:35 am

    My food poisoning story is from many years ago. It was a wedding anniversary with my then husband and our 2 young boys. I talked him into going to salad bar restaurant because the boys could have whatever they wanted. After we ate we decided to drive down Christmas Tree Lane as it was December. About half way through my husband turned off and high tailed it home and spent the night in the bathroom. A couple of hours later my turn began. Thank goodness we had 2 bathrooms. The boys never got sick because they didn’t eat the ‘healthy’ salad!
    I avoid most salad bars to this day!

  17. Courtney McGrale on September 2, 2018 at 5:25 pm

    I also got very sick from eating fresh salad in Antigua. Sick for a week, with intense night sweats and delirium. Such a weird thing, when salad is what you eat because it helps you to feel good. Lesson learned! Cook it or forget it!

  18. Jenna on September 2, 2018 at 10:42 pm

    I legit nearly poo-pooed the bed, next to Paulo, while jumping up in the middle of the night to book it to the bathroom from a salad in Thailand… it was a challenging next day on the boat ride to the next island, to say the least 🙂

  19. Heather on September 3, 2018 at 8:41 pm

    Oh man! I am so sorry for your poo catastrophe!! I too sadly have a poo tale. It was the year 2000 and shortly turning into 2001. My boyfriend (husband now), my best friend, and I all ate fresh rolls with cold shrimp in them at a restaurant. Let’s just say my best friend and I became even closer that night as we shared 1 bathroom and barely survived the night or the next few days. I was supposed to be moving 2 days after this all happen and we had plans for an event at a fancy restaurant to ring in the New Year. Thankfully the restaurant believed me and refunded our money. Moving was horrific and I even passed out at some point. That was the last time I ever ate shrimp or at that restaurant. There is an infamous picture of my now husband and I sitting on the couch looking like death and toasting our New Years champagne glasses with water in them. All these years later and I am still scarred and can remember the horrors of that week.

  20. Tracey on September 6, 2018 at 2:57 pm

    The first time I got food poisoning, it was from eating oysters in Baltimore. I was visiting a friend, and woke up in the middle of the night with a blinding headache and violent expulsions from both ends. Somehow she and her family slept through the hideous noises I was making. As I came downstairs the next morning, her dog, who had forgotten there was a stranger in the house, decided to bite me. That was awesome.

    When I visited China, I was sooooo careful but I think I drank tea made with tap water. I started having major issues when we were at the airport to fly to a different city, and I had already given all my Pepto to fellow travelers. I went to a medicine kiosk in the airport to see if they had anything, and they did have bizarre anti-diarrhea pills but they also kept trying to sell my husband cheap no-prescription Viagra. Makes a great story!

  21. Annette on November 12, 2018 at 1:03 pm

    The worst food poisoning I have ever had was when I was a captain in the AF. I ate a bad oyster and about 48 hrs later I had a 105 fever, diarrhea so bad that I could not even drive myself to the ER. I still had low blood pressure after 3 Liters of saline in ER and 2 days of IV fluids. I was in diapers for 4 days in the hospital. I worked in the hospital and had to work the weekend when I was released. I received a doctor’s note but he did not know I had to work the weekend so it was not covered. I was still pale and weak but my asshole of a boss made me work! I had to stand for 12 hrs taking care of heart-lung bypass patient. Worst experience in my life!
    But I love oysters so much this has not deterred my from eating oysters, I’m just very cautious with them now.

    • Molly Patrick on November 12, 2018 at 1:06 pm

      You poor thing! That sounds horrendous
      I’m impressed you can still eat oysters! I haven’t been able to even look at taro leaf yet.
      xo
      Molly

  22. Penny Carter on November 26, 2018 at 5:09 pm

    Oh my goodness YOU had a time. My experience with food poisoning was a few years ago. IT WAS A SALAD ALSO. but I think the culprit was ranch dressing. My husband and I had eaten at a RESTAURANT and then we’re going to Lowe’s. That is a 15 minute ride. My stomach started hurting and I was so sick to my stomach. Lowe’s bathroom is at the back of the store. I was afraid I would puke and CRAP before I could get to it. I got back there and did both ALL OVER THE FLOOR. I was so upset. Cleaned myself up got to where I could leave, got my husband and left. To this day he swears if they ever find out we will be band. I left underwear in the garbage, LOL somethings YOU can’t salvage. From that day forward I could never eat ranch again.

    • Molly Patrick on November 26, 2018 at 5:27 pm

      Oh my gosh!! You poor thing, what an awful experience! I am so thankful for you that Lowe’s had a bathroom!!
      Thank you for sharing – we’ve all had a shit time of it, literally!
      xo

      Molly

  23. Lydia F on February 20, 2019 at 9:03 am

    LMAO! My sister and I chant “piping hot or eat it not” whenever we are eating out. This is because EVERY Christmas our sister in law’s mother gave us all EBOLA with her Christmas spread. One year all FIVE of us were camped on toilets clutching a bucket. My brother actually had to go to the hospital that time. Now we’re all like Ellen Griswold, smiling and throwing whatever was on our fork over our shoulder when we are at anyone’s house – PTSD! Don’t get me started on the time my sister and I tried to flush a scallop down the toilet of a fancy sushi place. 😀

  24. Gina Strickland on September 20, 2019 at 8:23 am

    Thanks for sharing, Molly! This was a fun read! I loved how shit and poop were used throughout your blog. Definitely made my day! I’ve never been to Thailand. It’s my motherland! I’ve always wanted to visit with my significant other but his lineage hails from Europe and his interest lies within England and Ireland! I’ve about twisted his arm so we’re making a trip to Thailand and Laos next year. I’m a little skeptical of the food in Thailand as I’m not very open but would like to try actual authentic Thai food. Any suggestions on where to find food in Bangkok which won’t kill our stomachs to shits? And yes, Bangkok is one of the cities we are visiting. 😄

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl on September 23, 2019 at 10:45 am

      Hi Gina, Molly recommends using the Happy Cow app to find plant based options worldwide. I just checked my app and there are many options in Thailand. Have an amazing trip to your motherland! ~Karen

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