By Molly Patrick
Aug 5, 2014,
When I was little my mom would make me cold rice cereal for breakfast.
She would put leftover brown rice in a bowl and add raisins, cinnamon, chopped almonds, rice milk and a tiny bit of maple syrup.
I enjoyed this breakfast. That is, until I discovered Rice Krispies.
It was the Saturday morning after one of my very first sleepovers. My friends and I woke up and went directly to the kitchen where we were greeted with a big blue box of Rice Krispies, a gallon of milk, bowls, and spoons.
I was stoked about this entire situation. The Rice Krispies, the serve yourself set up, the fact that it was Saturday – ALL OF IT.
I had never had cereal from a box up until this point. I had begged for it many times in the aisles of the grocery store, but the outcome was always the same.
My mom would stop, pick up the box that I was begging for, look at the side panel, tell me no, and promptly put it back on the shelf. One time she agreed to buy me boxed cereal, but my only choice was Grape Nuts or nothing. Of course I picked the Grape Nuts.
I got home and immediately poured myself a huge bowl.
I took the first bite, and disappointment quickly washed over me in the form of crunchy, rock-like bits that tasted exactly as I imagined cardboard to taste. I waited a few minutes before I took my next bite, uncertain that I should even do so, and this time it was mushy cardboard bits in my mouth.
I had been duped.
I never wanted to eat crappy Grape Nuts again, but because I had begged for them, my mom made me finish the whole box before I went back to cold rice cereal, which I was super excited about after the Grape Nuts debacle.
So you can imagine my delight when I experienced my first bowl of Rice Krispies.
For the love! THIS is where the fuck it was at.
It was pure processed sugary deliciousness, and I loved every spoonful.
And why did they make that crackling sound as soon as the milk was poured over them? I didn’t have a clue, but I put my ear to my cereal and listened to what it had to say.
They told me I had been missing out my whole life, eating cold brown rice for breakfast. They told me that even though I lived in a teepee and had no indoor plumbing, I could still be cool if I could just convince my mom to put them in our shopping cart. They kept whispering sweet nothings in my ear and once I ate my first bowl, I poured myself a second. And then a third.
And then I promptly went to the bathroom and threw up.
On the drive home from the sleepover, my mom asked me how I got sick and I reluctantly told her of my three bowls of Rice Krispies.
She didn’t say anything. She knew she didn’t have to.
Here’s my present day go-to breakfast cereal.
- 1/2 cup cooked cold millet 70g
- 1/2 cup cooked cold quinoa 70g
- 1/4 cup blueberries 20g
- 1/2 banana cut in slices
- 1/4 apple chopped
- 2 tablespoons chopped walnuts 10g
- 1 tablespoon maple syrup 15ml
- 1 cup fresh Almond Milk 235ml
- Place all ingredients into a bowl and top with almond milk.
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I laughed until I cried reading this. ROTFLOL!
I wish my parents taught me healthy eating
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