I Didn’t Mind The Outhouse, It Was The Vampires That Terrified Me + Eggless Egg Salad (No Oil)


When one is raised by crunchy granola hippies, there’s a certain amount of embarrassment that one must accept during the growing up process. This embarrassment stems mainly from the lack of indoor plumbing and the food that one is raised on.

I actually didn’t mind our outhouse growing up, except for at night because vampires (shout out to my oldest sister, Kirstie, for planting that in my head when I was 6) or if it was winter because brrrrr.

Regarding the rabbit food of my childhood and adolescence, I enjoyed it and looked forward to everything my mom cooked. A warm bowl of brown rice with nondairy milk, vanilla, nuts, fruit and a small drizzle of maple syrup was my favorite breakfast, and mom’s tofu “wish sticks” with a big side of veggies was my most requested dinner.

So personally, I dug my hippie life growing up, but it was definitely laced with moments of burying my head in my palm with a flushed face. My crimson cheeks mainly happened during lunchtime at school – I was the weirdo with veggies, fruit, whole wheat almond butter sandwiches and water, whereas the cool kids ate Kraft Cheese and Cracker Snack Packs, Kudos bars and a Capri Sun to wash it all down. My cheeks would turn equally as red when friends who were used to indoor toilets would come over to my house and play.

Here’s the thing about having hippie parents though – healthy food has been a pillar of their lifestyle for the past 40 years. And when healthy eating is a lifestyle, it’s maintained for the long haul. It’s not a diet. It’s not a flash in the pan. It’s not a phase. It’s part of your life, seamlessly woven in, just like sleep and laughter.

I was reminded of this last week when I went to visit my parents. Mom and dad’s fridge was stocked with yummy plant based food, ready for us to nosh on. Tempeh Sloppy Joes, Potato Corn Chowder, ingredients for green smoothies, Tofu Salad, sprouted bread, almond butter, tons of fruit, dark leafy greens, lots of cruciferous veggies, kombucha – everything a plant based eater could ask for.

And this wasn’t because I was in town. This is how mom’s fridge and kitchen rolls on a daily basis and has since I was born.

My parents do have indoor plumbing now, but their food has remained the same my entire life. And for this, I would like to thank them from the bottom of my heart.

Because when most people my age are driving their parents to and from doctor appointments, hospitals and pharmacies, I get to drive my parents to the phone store and get them a new smartphone and to the record store and get them new music.

We get to go hiking in the desert. We go to the movies on Friday night. We get dressed up and go downtown on Saturday night. We act silly in bookstores after dinner. We wake up early and make green smoothies and do a happy dance in the living room. I give them computer lessons. We explore yummy new vegan restaurants. We book plane tickets for future visits. We act like 10 year olds at play. We laugh. We hug each other. It’s happy. It’s easy.

And this fills me with gratitude and joy because I see how vibrant, full of life and happy my parents are. And that’s exactly what we want for the people we love. We want them healthy and happy.

Simple as that.

So thank you mom and dad for always eating like you give a fuck. Your food choices for the past 40 years show and you continue to inspire me to eat plants and to help other people eat plants too.

Love, your daughter who used to be embarrassed by your crunchy hippie ways and is now 100% thankful and delighted.

Do you have crunchy granola hippies for parents too? Talk to me in the comments below.

Today’s recipe is the best egg salad without eggs or oil that you will find on the internet. Your search can stop here.

Plant Based Eggless Egg Salad

Author: Molly Patrick of Clean Food Dirty Girl


  • 1 package extra firm tofu 12 oz., directions below, water extracted
  • 2 celery stalks diced
  • 1/4 cup yellow onion 30g, finely diced
  • 2 tablespoons chopped parsley
  • 1 full batch of Mayo (link below)
  • 3 tablespoons nutritional yeast
  • 1/2 teaspoon turmeric powder
  • Black salt and black pepper to taste If you can't find black salt, also called Kala Namak, use regular salt


  • Take the tofu out of the package, rinse with water and extract as much liquid out of the tofu as possible by using a tofu press or some plates. If using plates, set the tofu on one plate and then place several more plates on top and let it set for about 20 minutes.
  • When as much liquid has been extracted from the tofu as possible, place the tofu into a large bowl and mash with a fork until there are no big pieces and it’s nice and crumbly.
  • Add the celery, onion and parsley and stir. Add the mayo, nutritional yeast and turmeric powder and stir again, until all of the ingredients are combined.
  • Add salt and pepper to taste if needed.


You can find black salt (Kala Namak) in most ethnic grocery stores, specifically Indian and Middle Eastern.

Wishing you a happy week. May it be filled with habits that will support you for the long haul.



Written by ex-boozer, ex-smoker, Co-founder, and CEO, Molly Patrick. They will help you eat more plants while throwing perfection down the garbage disposal.

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  1. Laura on March 2, 2017 at 4:58 am

    How sweet! I know your parents are so proud of you. Can’t wait to make your Eggless Egg Salad. It’s in the 60’s here in Memphis so a picnic on the patio is in order.

  2. shrikar on March 6, 2017 at 2:22 am

    thanks it is very useful information about diet and other things
    i will try one of them i like it very useful keep it up

  3. Jamie on March 31, 2017 at 10:11 am

    This is such an amazing recipe. One question. If using black salt do I sub all the salt for the black salt or just a portion?

    • Clean Food Dirty Girl on March 31, 2017 at 11:17 am

      Hi Jamie, you can sub all of it if you wish. 😉

      Team Dirty Girl

  4. PennyRenee on July 14, 2017 at 6:51 pm

    How long will this keep in the refrigerator??

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl on July 21, 2017 at 9:41 am

      Penny – if you can keep around long enough this will keep for about 5 days.

  5. Julia on June 18, 2019 at 6:56 am

    I was also raised by hippy vegetarian parents. I used to go to school and think my whole wheat bread was dirty and the other kids got clean, white bread. Being a kid is confusing, but I appreciate it now.

    • Molly Patrick on September 30, 2019 at 1:06 am

      lol – I can relate!
      Shout out to all the hippie moms an dads out there!

  6. lea on September 29, 2019 at 6:39 pm

    My mom was a hippie mom. She was a batik artist and art teacher who made me avocado sandwiches on whole wheat or pumpernickel bread, and was the only mom I knew to cook with tofu. Thanks Mom!

    • Molly Patrick on September 30, 2019 at 1:07 am

      Yes, your mom and my mom must have shared recipes at some point.

  7. Emilia Murphy on November 13, 2019 at 3:54 am

    We love egg salad/sandwiches. My husband especially loves curried egg sandwich and he hasn’t had any since starting WFPB eating. SI’m so going to be making this for him 😋

    • Molly Patrick on November 13, 2019 at 10:27 am

      Let us know what you think!

  8. Courtney Keene on August 14, 2020 at 7:28 am

    5 stars
    I’ve been eating plant based for over 7 months now using almost exclusively CFDG recipes and meal plans and this eggless egg salad is one of my favorite sides to make and keep in the fridge to eat whenever I need a snack or quick breakfast/lunch. Follow the mayo link too, it’s all very yummy!

  9. Kathryn on February 6, 2021 at 2:00 pm

    What a blessing that your parents were so ahead of their time!!!! It took me 62 years to find the vegan lifestyle!!! I want to bring everyone on this journey with me, even though I know it’s not for everyone! Thank you for sharing your story!!!! ❤️

  10. bing ham on February 7, 2021 at 7:43 am

    Silken or regular?

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl - Steph on February 7, 2021 at 11:40 am


      This recipe uses regular extra firm tofu. Any recipe that uses silken tofu will specify that. 🙂

      Enjoy the sandwich–it’s seriously delicious!


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