By Molly Patrick
Oct 19, 2019,
If there is something about yourself that you don’t like and you really want to work on, you have two choices.
You can either do the work or you can say screw it, and not do the work.
If you choose to do the work, it will eventually pay off and whatever you’re working on will come to fruition.
If you choose not to do the work, you must accept the consequences of not doing the work.
If there is something about someone else that you don’t like and you really want them to work on whatever that something is, you also have two choices.
You can either accept them for exactly who they are (the best definition of love out there), or you can say screw it and opt to not have that person in your life anymore.
If you choose to accept them, you must accept ALL of them. The good, the frustrating, the irritating, the amusing, the perfections, the imperfections – it’s a set menu, not à la carte.
If you choose to not have them in your life anymore, you must accept the consequences of not having them in your life anymore.
So you can change yourself, or not. And you can accept someone else, or not.
But what you can’t do is change someone else.
That my dear, needs to be left to them.
You might play a part, but you will never be the sole reason someone else changes. The only reason someone makes changes to their life is because they want to, not because you want them to.
When the sting of that wears off, feel the weight lift off your shoulders as you release responsibility for other people, and you make room for your own damn worthy, beautiful, badass self.
Talk to us in the comments below and tell us two things you’re going to start doing to make that happen.
Ingredients
- 2 pieces 100% whole wheat or sprouted bread, toasted
- Almond butter
- Ripe pear, sliced
- Cinnamon
Instructions
- Spread some almond butter onto both pieces of toast, then add a layer of pear slices on one piece. Sprinkle the pear slices with cinnamon, then place the other piece of toast on top.
Wishing you a happy week. May it be filled with making room for you.
Xo
Molly
14 Comments
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Thank you for talking about how we can’t change people and that only they can change if/when they want too,
My adult child has a drinking problem, is unhappy in his marriage and is clueless of how he affects others in his life.
I sincerely know only he can change when / if he wants too. In the meanwhile I can continue to love him and pray for his healing.
Congrats on your new babies Moe and Panther???
Hi Barbara,
I’m so glad this resonated with you. Sending you and your boy lots of love.
Here’s a couple of other posts you might enjoy:
One
Two
Have a wonderful weekend.
xo
Molly
I had the same issue Barbara. Three years ago it was bleak and I was preparing myself for bereavement. Now, after some amazing work and effort, my adult child is healthy happy, in work and married to a wonderful guy. It’s SO hard to go through. There is hope. Sending you hugs xx Sue
Love you Molly, I would like to thank you for your inspiration every week. I appreciate the good, bad and the ugly in this thing we call life.
That sandwich tho… that GODDAMN SANDWICH! This kind of bad ass culinary inspiration is why CFDG is taking over the world. I’m off to make one RIGHT NOW! ?
Thanks for this. There are a few things in our FB group I’ve been worried about that this definitely will address.
I’m just a little over a week from ICD/BV pacemaker surgery. The 2 things for me are to get back to following the LU guidelines for eating, all but the juicing part. I will be smoothie making, mostly veggies twice a day. The 2nd thing is getting back to cardiac rehab and the LU movement as soon as I can, albeit slowly so to do no harm.
I have to say that 35 years ago, I told my husband I would never try to change him because he was a big boy and could take care of himself. To this day, I’ve kept my word and will continue. I do try to voice my opinions, which is my right, but just for information purposes. I guess I get a little carried away sometimes, so I will be working on keeping my nose on my own face and out of others business.
Boy did I need this today. My oldest son just left. He is so overweight. It just breaks my heart and scares me. YET, he was just here for 2 and 1/2 days. He and his son ate from CFDG meal plan, or WFPB the entire time. Many things he really enjoyed. I can’t change either boy though. Just love them. Pray for them constantly. Put healthy things in front of them why they are here. Let go of feeling like I need to help them get healthy and finding my peace. I think most parents whose kids leave home and then become overweight. We feel like we did something wrong. I must find peace in that. Love all you guys do Molly!!! ❤️❤️
Molly,
Speaking as a recovering carnivore, i would like to thank you for all you have done to aid me in changing my eating patterns.
Had major heart surgery in January of this year (four bypasses and two valves replaced). Made the switch to plant based shortly after the surgery and have never felt better in my life.
Still struggle mightily with sugar issues and my love of them, but realize i am a work in progress.
Would highly recommend watching “Game Changer” on Netflix. Was aware of quite a bit of the information but learned some very valuable things.
Happy to say i will celbrate my 16th year clean and sober this year and am applying the principles i have learned to not only my alcohol addiction but to my issues in life as well.
Spending each day striving to be the best version of me that i can be is soooooo rewarding.
namste
Dennis
Hi Dennis,
Thank you so much for sharing – big HUGE high fives to you!
I would love to chat with you for the blog!
If you’re open to it, shoot me an email and we can set something up.
[email protected]
Molly
Thank you for posting this, it’s something I needed to be reminded of. Frustrating part for me is knowing my relationship needs work & having a partner that refuses to do the work needed to effect change. It’s hard to realize you can’t force change on someone they have to want it as well.
Just bought some lovely pears, so this will be dinner tonight.
I’ve spent a lot of time bemoaning not living in Colorado and family obligations that kept me stuck in chaos. Some glorious thing changed in me and I chucked everything known and safe and moved to Colorado at age 52 with no job. Decided to budget for the first time in my life. Lots of working on me. Now going whole food plant-based. Lots of change in 4 months. Job is six weeks away from starting. No social circle expansion but I’m so thankful to have found you and your glorious team and FB group! 150% into changing and not bitching but damn, it’s hard!
thanks for this reminder I can’t change others, but I can stop enabling them and make them shoulder their own responsibilities
Reminders are good.
xo
Molly