By Molly Patrick
Aug 17, 2019
Good grief, saying goodbye to my parents is hard. Unlike batch cooking, hugging someone you love goodbye before they go through airport security does not get easier the more you do it.
It stings every single time.
For me, this is especially true when I say goodbye to my mom and dad. Especially when my mom is crying big warm, salty tears and her head is buried in my neck because she doesn’t want me to be sad that she is sad.
Heart fucking breaking.
As I hugged her close, holding back tears of my own that I would allow to flow freely just as soon as I got out of the airport, I said to my mom and dad, “THIS is the hard part.”
And isn’t it such.
Life is so full of happy moments that will soon become precious memories.
Laughing until your belly hurts.
Sharing a yummy meal with people who get you.
Exploring this beautiful planet we all call home and gazing in amazement.
Hugging the people you love.
Telling your stories and listening to other people’s stories.
Swimming in the ocean.
Talking about the wonder of it all.
And then, because this is the impermanence of life, a shift happens.
Things morph and change and start to look and feel different.
The people you love get on an airplane and go home.
Or maybe you get the dreaded phone call with the news that someone you love is sick.
Maybe that call is for you, confirming that you are sick.
Maybe your partner isn’t home when you get home from work and all their stuff is gone.
Maybe your 4 legged best friend dies in your arms.
If you are present and your heart is open to the shift and to the hurt that comes along with that shift, whatever you are going through, there is always one specific moment that you can pinpoint, and realize…THIS is the hard part.
If you allow yourself to feel deeply in that exact moment – the pain, the hurt, the fear, the agony, the longing – if you can honor it and accept it for what it is without running from it, without closing down, without denying it, without getting defensive, that moment—that hard part, it will pass. And you might want to fight this, but that moment of pain straight through your heart is surprisingly brief.
We are conditioned to think that hard and painful events or circumstances have every right to set up shop, make their bed and move right into our life. We think that because something is bad or difficult, we are obligated to feel like shit for the long haul.
But what if it didn’t have to be like that?
What if after we identify and fully feel that momentary hard part, we stay in the present moment and then we allow ourselves to be okay? And after the hard part comes up again (because it will and it will feel a bit different than the first time), we are one with it, we feel it, and then we allow ourselves to be okay again. And on and on for as long as it takes.
You can hold those dear people on the airplane close to your heart and find awe in your capacity to love.
You can call the person you love who is sick and tell them you love them and ask them what they need.
You can start researching treatment options and find a support group if you are the dear one who is sick.
You can thank your ex for leaving because now you have the joyful opportunity to get to know yourself again.
You can think about your 4-legged friend and smile with your whole soul because they brought THAT much joy to your life.
Nothing lasts forever, my friend.
And there is absolutely no rule that says you have to be miserable because of it.
Pinpoint the hard part.
Let it wash over you.
And then allow your beautiful self to be okay.
Are you okay? Talk to me in the comments below.
- 1 tablespoon red wine vinegar
- 1 teaspoon dijon mustard
- 1/2 teaspoon dried dill
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 teaspoon black pepper (about 10 turns)
- 1/2 cup thinly-sliced red onion (65 g)
- 1 lb green beans, ends trimmed and cut in half (455 g)
- 1/4 cup water (60 ml)
- 2 medium garlic cloves, minced (2 teaspoons)
- In a small bowl, whisk together the red wine vinegar, dijon mustard, dill, salt and pepper. Set aside for now.
- Heat a large skillet over medium heat for 2 minutes. Add the onion and sauté for 5 minutes, adding a splash of water if it starts to stick.
- Stir in the green beans, water and garlic, then cover the skillet with a lid and cook for 8 minutes, until the beans are just tender.
- Remove the lid and stir in the vinegar-mustard mixture. Cook for 1 additional minute, then remove from heat. Cover and set aside to keep warm.
Wishing you a happy week. May it be filled with identifying the hard part.