I Have a Crush on Anthony Bourdain + Coconut Bacon

February 17, 2015 / Molly Patrick /

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If you’ve been reading this raunchy little blog for a while or getting my Saturday emails, you know a thing or two about me. If you’re a CFDG virgin, I welcome you with a big bear hug – virtual style (kind of like doggie style but different) <—- you’ll get used to this sort of talk.

A lot of the people who follow this blog don’t eat 100% plant based or even 100% vegan. They just like to add super healthy food into their eating routine. And I for one think this is awesome.

I’ve never eaten meat in my life. I’ve been vegan since 2008 and I’ve been 85% (ish) Whole-Food Plant-Based (WFPB) for over a year. That said, there’s nothing that annoys me more than a self-righteous vegan who judges and scolds people for not eating exactly like they do. 

Before I changed my career course and decided to create an online business for myself so that I could be my own boss, reach more people, wear pajamas to work, and do what I do from anywhere in the world with an internet connection, I worked in the restaurant business.

I waited tables during college and then I bartended while I was figuring out my next move after college. Later I opened a few vegan restaurants for someone, and then did some restaurant consulting after that.

And you know, I can’t say I was all that thrilled with any of it. The best part were the friends that I made along the way.

The type of friends that you can get drunk with and talk in an English accent with. The kind of friends that don’t ask before they open your fridge and start grazing. And the kind of friends who you can definitely fart in front of without thinking twice.

The English accents, grazing, and farting were awesome, but I worked in an industry that I wasn’t passionate about for a long time, and that sucked.

Either I didn’t get the memo saying that our work can and should fire us up and make us excited to get out of bed in the morning, or I was in a semi mentally abusive relationship for most of my twenties and had zero confidence to pursue something that was out of my comfort zone, so I stuck with hospitality.

Turns out the memo never got to me, and I was in said relationship.

So it took a long time for me to grow some balls and put my effort and energy into something that was unpredictable, but that I absolutely love. But my balls arrived safe and sound, and I’m so glad they did.

Years back I was at one of the restaurants that I opened, and a well known vegan cookbook author came in for lunch. She looked upset when she walked in, and as I was taking her order, she finally blew her gasket and told me that she was listening to NPR on the way over and they were airing an Anthony Bourdain interview.

This made her really upset because she despised Anthony Bourdain, and she couldn’t believe that NPR would air anything having to do with him.

Miss Oprah Winfrey says that all people really want is to be heard, and since I love me some Oprah, I didn’t say a thing, I just listened.

But as I was listening, I couldn’t help but think to myself:

what would happen if I told her that Anthony Bourdain happens to be my man crush. And then slip in the fact that I’m a lesbian, so this really says something about this crush….

I was tempted to tell her that I thought Anthony Bourdain was an extraordinary writer, totally entertaining, and brutally honest in the best of ways. Yes, the man eats a shit ton of meat, and yes, he swears even more than me, and yes, he drinks like a goddamn Blue Whale.

Anthony Bourdain does all of these things, but yet I’ve read every book he’s ever written, I watch all of his shows, and I would most likely make out with the guy (and he’s old enough to be my dad, so not only is that gross, but it also speaks volumes about how much I like him).

He’s also known to talk a ton of shit about vegans, but let’s face it, vegans can be annoying.

I knew this wouldn’t go over well with the vegan author, so I skipped it.

But in that moment, it hit me like a big ass block of tempeh.

I am not like most vegans.

It also became crystal clear to me that one day I would help bridge the gap between really healthy food and people just looking to eat better, who don’t want any drama or judgment.

So here I am.

And I thank you for being on your side of the screen, because I do this for you.

And to help bridge that gap a little bit more, I give you… Coconut Bacon (you’re welcome).

Coconut Bacon - Whole Food Plant Based

Author: Molly Patrick of Clean Food Dirty Girl

Ingredients

  • 3 cups coconut flakes 140g
  • 2 tablespoon soy sauce 30ml
  • 2 tablespoons liquid smoke 30ml
  • 1 tablespoon maple syrup 15ml

Instructions

  • Preheat the oven to 350° F(177°C)
  • Place the coconut flakes in a mixing bowl.
  • In a separate smaller mixing bowl, combine the soy sauce, liquid smoke and maple syrup and pour over the coconut.
  • With your hands, gently massage the liquid into the coconut so that all of the coconut is covered.
  • Place the coconut in a single layer on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and bake for 6 minutes.
  • Take it out of the oven, flip bacon over with a spatula (as best you can) and bake for an additional 7 minutes.
  • Allow to cool and store in an airtight container. Sprinkle on salads, make a killer BLT, or wait until next week when I give you my Garlicky Mushroom Green Beans with Coconut Bacon recipe!

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 Have a wonderful week. May it be filled with good company, lots of laughs and zero judgment.

Signing off from Singapore, where a loaf of Ezekiel bread is $13.15 but coconut water straight out of the coconut happens on the daily.  Just another reminder that there is no utopia – you must make your own.

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Written by ex-boozer, ex-smoker, Co-founder, and CEO, Molly Patrick. They will help you eat more plants while throwing perfection down the garbage disposal.

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20 Comments

  1. Lisa Friesen on February 17, 2015 at 5:35 pm

    Loved this post! Anthony Bourdain is my foodie crush too. I love that he his who he is and doesn’t apologize for it!

    • Molly Patrick on February 18, 2015 at 6:09 pm

      Exactly! When someone is unapologetic for being authentic it’s a complete turn on.

  2. fern on February 18, 2015 at 2:07 pm

    Love your posts and your receipes, thanks so much!

    • Molly Patrick on February 18, 2015 at 6:11 pm

      You are most welcome!

  3. Katie on February 18, 2015 at 6:18 pm

    Hey Molly, serious newbie here. What’s the best way to get coconut flakes, pre-cut or getting a coconut and cutting it myself?

    • Molly Patrick on February 19, 2015 at 8:24 pm

      Hey Katie,
      Welcome, love! It depends on where you live, but if you live in the U.S. then buying it in a package is the best way to go. You can find it at pretty much any health food store. Just make sure you buy the flakes and not the shredded variety 🙂
      xo

    • Luanne Teoh on February 20, 2015 at 8:56 pm

      Hi Katie,
      This is the one we used for this recipe. Look under “Cooking Ingredients I Use Often”
      https://cleanfooddirtygirl.com/amazon-shop/

  4. Heather Boley on February 19, 2015 at 11:18 am

    I have no idea who this Anthony b….. guy is! However, your writing is whitty and I am compelled, as I am not in other Blogs, to read more just for the sake of reading! Keep being awesome!!!

    • Molly Patrick on February 21, 2015 at 12:15 am

      Hi Heather,
      I’m flattered – thank you for your kind words.
      xo
      Molly

  5. angela on February 19, 2015 at 7:41 pm

    Ugh, I can’t stand how much I love you and your blog, I’m sorry if that’s weird. Can’t wait until u get the ingredients to try this tastiness!

    • Molly Patrick on February 19, 2015 at 8:17 pm

      Angela – I can’t stand how much I love your comment. There – we’re even. xo

  6. Sharon on February 24, 2015 at 6:11 pm

    I’m just reading you for the first time and I agree wholeheartedly with you regarding the perception of vegans. I have been a vegetarian for over 30 years and I’m 90%vegan, I fall of the wagon now and then,but I have tried not to shame or hit people over the head to convince them to change their meat eating ways. I think if you are a good example that does more than angry words.(I must admit to posting some animal pics on Facebook though:)) My goal us to open some eyes but in a kinder way. I’ll be reading from now on, thanks!

    • Molly Patrick on March 5, 2015 at 6:06 am

      Hi Sharon,
      Thanks so much for chiming in! Happy to have you here.
      xo
      Molly

  7. sue chien lee on September 3, 2015 at 4:14 am

    I’m grooving, I’m grooving to your beat, Molly & Luanne.

    Got myself a blender last week and have replaced meaty little bocadillos (sandwiches) for fruit, vegy, cereal-based smoothies. Am also constant with my daily morning yoga now ; )

  8. Christa on November 29, 2015 at 6:44 am

    I just came across this post looking around your site. I have a girl crush on you Molly. I would totally make out with you and I’m not a lesbian. That speaks volumes about how much I like you. I’m so thankful I found you. I think I may have to unsubscribe to all other blogs…they seem so…well, ugh now. Thank you for everything. Would absolutely make out with Anthony.

    • Molly Patrick on November 29, 2015 at 12:21 pm

      Girl – you’re makin’ me blush.
      Glad you found my ass too!
      xo
      Molly

  9. David A on April 13, 2017 at 1:02 pm

    Looks great but and love him but damn I didn’t know he would eat a fake bacon or much for veges! Going to my health food store tomorrow so will so have to do this.

  10. David A on April 25, 2017 at 6:32 am

    I have seen recipes for this several times but never made them. If a carnivour like him likes them they must be good so made a batch. Wow are they good, snack, salad etc. I can think of many ways to flavor them for different uses.

  11. Pam on November 22, 2017 at 12:17 am

    Molly I’ve been a member of your Saturday fuckeries since January 2015. At that time i was still eating meat and dairy. But my son had just gone vegan for health reasons. So wanted to incorporate vegan friendly dishes into family meals. Over the past 2 and 3/4 years my husband and I have eaten less and less meat and dairy. 3 weeks ago I joined your drop it like it’s hot and went full on WFPB and I love it I’ve lost 7 lbs and I feel great. My husband loves it too but he still eats a bit of meat and dairy. You are a Rock star! Thanks!

  12. Lydia B Fiedler on March 7, 2019 at 6:02 pm

    I love this. I had lunch with him when he was visiting a marginally famous BBQ trailer here and he is a delightful man. I hate that I should correct that to “was”. We get a lot of celebrities here and most of them are assholes and want to be treated like royalty. Bourdain stood in line with the rest of us, and was a kind, funny, sarcastic and fun man to spend an afternoon with. I’m sure he would have loved you. Totes making this recipe.

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