If you’ve been reading this raunchy little blog for a while or getting my Saturday emails, you know a thing or two about me. If you’re a CFDG virgin, I welcome you with a big bear hug – virtual style (kind of like doggie style but different) <—– you’ll get used to this sort of talk.
A lot of the people who follow this blog don’t eat 100% plant based or even 100% vegan. They just like to add super healthy food into their eating routine. And I for one think this is awesome.
I’ve never eaten meat in my life. I’ve been vegan since 2008 and I’ve been 85% (ish) Whole-Food Plant-Based (WFPB) for over a year. That said, there’s nothing that annoys me more than a self-righteous vegan who judges and scolds people for not eating exactly like they do.
Before I changed my career course and decided to create an online business for myself so that I could be my own boss, reach more people, wear pajamas to work, and do what I do from anywhere in the world with an internet connection, I worked in the restaurant business.
I waited tables during college and then I bartended while I was figuring out my next move after college. Later I opened a few vegan restaurants for someone, and then did some restaurant consulting after that.
And you know, I can’t say I was all that thrilled with any of it. The best part were the friends that I made along the way.
The type of friends that you can get drunk with and talk in an English accent with. The kind of friends that don’t ask before they open your fridge and start grazing. And the kind of friends who you can definitely fart in front of without thinking twice.
The English accents, grazing, and farting were awesome, but I worked in an industry that I wasn’t passionate about for a long time, and that sucked.
Either I didn’t get the memo saying that our work can and should fire us up and make us excited to get out of bed in the morning, or I was in a semi mentally abusive relationship for most of my twenties and had zero confidence to pursue something that was out of my comfort zone, so I stuck with hospitality.
Turns out the memo never got to me, and I was in said relationship.
So it took a long time for me to grow some balls and put my effort and energy into something that was unpredictable, but that I absolutely love. But my balls arrived safe and sound, and I’m so glad they did.
Years back I was at one of the restaurants that I opened, and a well known vegan cookbook author came in for lunch. She looked upset when she walked in, and as I was taking her order, she finally blew her gasket and told me that she was listening to NPR on the way over and they were airing an Anthony Bourdain interview.
This made her really upset because she despised Anthony Bourdain, and she couldn’t believe that NPR would air anything having to do with him.
Miss Oprah Winfrey says that all people really want is to be heard, and since I love me some Oprah, I didn’t say a thing, I just listened.
But as I was listening, I couldn’t help but think to myself: what would happen if I told her that Anthony Bourdain happens to be my man crush. And then slip in the fact that I’m a lesbian, so this really says something about this crush….
Here’s the thing.
Or how about a time that you really wanted to break up with someone and in the middle of dinner you think to yourself, what if I just did it. Right here, right now. Just opened my mouth, let the words spill out and ended it? and then the moment passes and you find that your lips are sealed shut and you’re unable to speak.
It was kind of like that.
I was secretly tempting myself to do something that wouldn’t have an immediate favorable outcome.
I was tempted to tell her that I thought Anthony Bourdain was an extraordinary writer, totally entertaining, and brutally honest in the best of ways. Yes, the man eats a shit ton of meat, and yes, he swears even more than me, and yes, he drinks like a goddamn Blue Whale.
Anthony Bourdain does all of these things, but yet I’ve read every book he’s ever written, I watch all of his shows, and I would most likely make out with the guy (and he’s old enough to be my dad, so not only is that gross, but it also speaks volumes about how much I like him).
He’s also known to make fun of vegans from time to time, but let’s face it, vegans can sometimes be annoying, so I get it.
I knew this wouldn’t go over well with the vegan author, so I skipped it.
But in that moment, it hit me like a big ass block of tempeh.
I am not like most vegans.
It also became crystal clear to me that one day I would help bridge the gap between really healthy food and people just looking to eat better who don’t want any drama or judgment.
So here I am.
And I thank you for being on your side of the screen, because I do this for you.
And to help bridge that gap a little bit more, I give you… Coconut Bacon (you’re welcome).
Coconut Bacon – Whole Food Plant Based
Coconut Bacon - Whole Food Plant Based
- 3 cups coconut flakes 140g
- 2 tablespoon soy sauce 30ml
- 2 tablespoons liquid smoke 30ml
- 1 tablespoon maple syrup 15ml
Preheat the oven to 350° F(177°C)
Place the coconut flakes in a mixing bowl.
In a separate smaller mixing bowl, combine the soy sauce, liquid smoke and maple syrup and pour over the coconut.
With your hands, gently massage the liquid into the coconut so that all of the coconut is covered.
Place the coconut in a single layer on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and bake for 6 minutes.
Take it out of the oven, flip bacon over with a spatula (as best you can) and bake for an additional 7 minutes.
Allow to cool and store in an airtight container. Sprinkle on salads, make a killer BLT, or wait until next week when I give you my Garlicky Mushroom Green Beans with Coconut Bacon recipe!
Have a wonderful week. May it be filled with good company, lots of laughs and zero judgment.
Signing off from Singapore, where a loaf of Ezekiel bread is $13.15 but coconut water straight out of the coconut happens on the daily. Just another reminder that there is no utopia – you must make your own.