By Molly Patrick
May 5, 2015
I’ve been a hot cynical mess lately. Maybe the moon is in Jupiter or Scorpion (Scorpio?) and it’s making me fed up more than usual.
It could also be the chemtrails and gluten. It’s probably the combination of chemtrails and gluten. That sounds probable. I’ll go with it.
I think that the crux of my problem (apart from the gluten chemtrails) is that I’m perpetually annoyed with the vegan industry and I’m equally annoyed with the health and wellness industry.
And yet, here I am smack dab in the middle of these two industries.
It’s like god said to me right before I was conceived:
“Molly, you need to learn some goddamn patience (because god is self-deprecating like that). This time around, I’m putting you on earth to help people eat better. There will be NO escaping Vani Hari or PETA for you!”
So this is my fate.
And my problem is that I love what I do and I’m totally smitten with you and the rest of my community (because you get me and I can talk about double headed dildos and you send me fan mail in return). But the industry of which I am an extension of sucks balls more times than not.
The ball suckage part that I’m referring to is the constant draining, nagging, harassing and irritating messages that bombard us with the single overlaying message that we’re never good enough.
And every which way we turn, we get smacked in the face with a new set of hairy balls, reminding us that we’re not vegan enough, not thin enough, not eating clean enough, eating too clean, THE new diet we’re missing out on, not doing enough yoga, how much better we would be if we finally started meditating, all of the foods we should be avoiding, all the superfoods we’re missing out on, why our sex life isn’t 50 Shades of Grey hot, and my personal favorite, the three things to do RIGHT NOW to become the happiest person you know.
Shut the fuck up!
At the end of the day everyone has their own shit and we all just want to be happy in our skin and accept ourselves for exactly who we are, perfectly damaged and all.
But the path to finding that yummy sacred space where we completely embrace and accept ourselves for who we are in any given moment takes way longer than necessary because of the roadblocks in the form of “expert advice”, lists of “how to be perfect” and diets that have never and will never work.
The only thing that these messages and diets are successful at is putting us in a constant state of mind fuckery. And just like Caitlyn Jenner’s personal life, mind fucking ourselves should be avoided at all possible costs.
I say be your own expert. Do what makes you happy, fall madly in love with yourself, eat what makes you grounded and screw the rest of ‘em.
I guess what I’m also saying is that sometimes I wish I was a comedian, artist, or musician so that I could fall madly in love with my industry and just dive in headfirst and slather myself with all things funny, creative or musical.
But then the gluten chemtrail fog lifts and I realize I have a job to do. And that job is to be a voice of reason within my industry.
So with that, I want to gently and lovingly remind you that today is NOT the day to “get a jumpstart on your bikini body”, today is the day to declare your body perfect RIGHT NOW, bikini and all.
Own it, love it and bathe in the beauty of you.
Okay – time for shit to get real. Today’s recipe is insane.
Make it for your whole food plant based fearing family. Seriously.
- 2 red potatoes 2 cups / 285g, peeled and chopped
- 2 cups cauliflower 220g
- 1 onion 1 cup / 125g, chopped
- 1/2 cup cashews 60g
- 1 teaspoon sea salt 6g
- 2 1/2 cups water or stock 590ml
- roasted green chili 290g, chopped
- Brown rice or quinoa pasta
- Place the potatoes, cauliflower, onion, cashews, salt and water in a large pot, cover with a lid and cook over medium heat for 20 minutes.
- After 20 minutes, turn off the heat and transfer everything in the pot (including the remaining liquid) to your blender. Blend until creamy and smooth. You may have to do this in batches depending on the size of your blender.
- Consider this sauce your starting point. From here you can do whatever the hell you want with it. Make scalloped potatoes, mac and cheese with broccoli, put it in enchiladas, pour it over a burrito, use it for a lasagna, whatevs. I’m going the green chili mac and cheese route.
- Cook your pasta (I like brown rice spirals) as per the directions on the box and then strain the water and place the pasta back in the pot.
- Add as much Sauce as you like, along with the green chili and stir.
I hope that you have a happy week. May you have fallen a little more in love with yourself by Saturday.