Diets Don’t Work and Can Go Kiss My Ass + Green Chili Mac and Cheese

May 5, 2015 / Molly Patrick /

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I’ve been a hot cynical mess lately. Maybe the moon is in Jupiter or Scorpion (Scorpio?) and it’s making me fed up more than usual.

It could also be the chemtrails and gluten. It’s probably the combination of chemtrails and gluten. That sounds probable. I’ll go with it.

I think that the crux of my problem (apart from the gluten chemtrails) is that I’m perpetually annoyed with the vegan industry and I’m equally annoyed with the health and wellness industry.

And yet, here I am smack dab in the middle of these two industries.

It’s like god said to me right before I was conceived:

“Molly, you need to learn some goddamn patience (because god is self-deprecating like that). This time around, I’m putting you on earth to help people eat better. There will be NO escaping Vani Hari or PETA for you!”

So this is my fate.

And my problem is that I love what I do and I’m totally smitten with you and the rest of my community (because you get me and I can talk about double headed dildos and you send me fan mail in return). But the industry of which I am an extension of sucks balls more times than not.

The ball suckage part that I’m referring to is the constant draining, nagging, harassing and irritating messages that bombard us with the single overlaying message that we’re never good enough.

And every which way we turn, we get smacked in the face with a new set of hairy balls, reminding us that we’re not vegan enough, not thin enough, not eating clean enough, eating too clean, THE new diet we’re missing out on, not doing enough yoga, how much better we would be if we finally started meditating, all of the foods we should be avoiding, all the superfoods we’re missing out on, why our sex life isn’t 50 Shades of Grey hot, and my personal favorite, the three things to do RIGHT NOW to become the happiest person you know.

Shut the fuck up!

At the end of the day everyone has their own shit and we all just want to be happy in our skin and accept ourselves for exactly who we are, perfectly damaged and all.

But the path to finding that yummy sacred space where we completely embrace and accept ourselves for who we are in any given moment takes way longer than necessary because of the roadblocks in the form of “expert advice”, lists of “how to be perfect” and diets that have never and will never work.

The only thing that these messages and diets are successful at is putting us in a constant state of mind fuckery. And just like Caitlyn Jenner’s personal life, mind fucking ourselves should be avoided at all possible costs.

I say be your own expert. Do what makes you happy, fall madly in love with yourself, eat what makes you grounded and screw the rest of ‘em.

I guess what I’m also saying is that sometimes I wish I was a comedian, artist, or musician so that I could fall madly in love with my industry and just dive in headfirst and slather myself with all things funny, creative or musical.

But then the gluten chemtrail fog lifts and I realize I have a job to do. And that job is to be a voice of reason within my industry.

So with that, I want to gently and lovingly remind you that today is NOT the day to “get a jumpstart on your bikini body”, today is the day to declare your body perfect RIGHT NOW, bikini and all.

Own it, love it and bathe in the beauty of you.

Okay – time for shit to get real. Today’s recipe is insane.

Make it for your whole food plant based fearing family. Seriously.

Green Chili Mac and Cheese

Author: Molly Patrick of Clean Food Dirty Girl

Ingredients

  • 2 red potatoes 2 cups / 285g, peeled and chopped
  • 2 cups cauliflower 220g
  • 1 onion 1 cup / 125g, chopped
  • 1/2 cup cashews 60g
  • 1 teaspoon sea salt 6g
  • 2 1/2 cups water or stock 590ml
  • roasted green chili 290g, chopped
  • Brown rice or quinoa pasta

Instructions

  • Place the potatoes, cauliflower, onion, cashews, salt and water in a large pot, cover with a lid and cook over medium heat for 20 minutes. 
  • After 20 minutes, turn off the heat and transfer everything in the pot (including the remaining liquid) to your blender. Blend until creamy and smooth. You may have to do this in batches depending on the size of your blender.
  • Consider this sauce your starting point. From here you can do whatever the hell you want with it. Make scalloped potatoes, mac and cheese with broccoli, put it in enchiladas, pour it over a burrito, use it for a lasagna, whatevs. I’m going the green chili mac and cheese route.
  • Cook your pasta (I like brown rice spirals) as per the directions on the box and then strain the water and place the pasta back in the pot. 
  • Add as much Sauce as you like, along with the green chili and stir.
  • Top with Walnut Parm or Coconut Bacon if you want to get super fancy about it.

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green chili mac and cheese

I hope that you have a happy week. May you have fallen a little more in love with yourself by Saturday.

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Written by ex-boozer, ex-smoker, Co-founder, and CEO, Molly Patrick. They will help you eat more plants while throwing perfection down the garbage disposal.

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10 Comments

  1. Pamela on May 18, 2016 at 7:12 pm

    I didn’t start eating plant based until I moved to Santa Fe, NM and I had been living here a year. I heard Dr. Neal Barnard and Rip Esselstyn speak at my local Whole Foods and we did a couple of challenges. We ate WFPB for almost a year, then moved to the San Francisco Bay Area. Yes. I do believe we were completely out of our minds! After living in Santa Fe we couldn’t stand the traffic, the over-crowding, the smog, the entitlement, and the astronomical cost of living! So we moved back to Santa Fe in December! The main thing I miss from my “before WFPB” days was the freakin’ amazing green chile mac and cheese with fresh roasted green chile from the Railyard Farmers Market! I saw this and I’m definitely going to try it! Thanks, Molly!
    ~Pamela 🙂

    • Molly Patrick on May 18, 2016 at 9:02 pm

      My mom’s name is Pamela so I already like you 🙂
      And I’m from New Mexico!
      There’s nothing like roasted hatch green chili during chili season.
      THAT SMELL!
      This mac and cheese is bomb diggity.
      Join us in our private FB group and let us know how they turn out!
      xo
      Molly
      https://www.facebook.com/groups/cleanfooddirtygirl

  2. Hope on July 12, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    I just discovered your site. Thanks for your commentary about being bombarded with “you are never good enough, so do this!”. I’ve quit so many things (been vegetarian for 30 years, vegan for about 4 months), but that is easy because it’s my ‘religion’. I’m 58 years old – can’t I get a break? I’m going to try some of your recipes and i’ll let you know how they go. It’s 95 and muggy in Cleveland and even typing is making me sweat, so that’s all for now.
    -Hope from Cleveland, OH

    • Molly Patrick on July 12, 2016 at 7:32 pm

      Hi Hope –
      So glad you found us!
      I think you would enjoy our private Facebook group if you’re on Facebook.
      Lots of love and support from a group of amazing people like you!
      Join us here:
      https://www.facebook.com/groups/cleanfooddirtygirl
      xo
      Molly

  3. Laura on August 1, 2016 at 7:57 am

    I almost spit my tea out onto my computer when I read “self-defecating”. What would that be, like god shits himself out? Or more like he shits all over himself? Either way I love it.

    • Molly Patrick on August 1, 2016 at 8:12 am

      Ha!The funny thing is, I meant self-deprecating!
      Which is the same as self-defecating in my book. lol
      Glad you had a laugh 😉
      xo
      Molly

  4. Ashley on August 22, 2018 at 1:33 pm

    5 stars
    What are you supposed to do with the onions you cook with in the beginning of the recipe? I made this and had those browned onions remaining, haha. I just threw it in with the pasta.

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl on August 23, 2018 at 8:38 am

      Hi Ashley! Eek! We’ve updated the recipe so it’s a bit simpler. If you make this recipe again, you’ll want to add the onions to the blender for the sauce. Sorry about that and THANK YOU for bringing it to our attention. ~Karen

  5. Tammy on August 30, 2018 at 6:52 am

    Your cheese sauce in your sample menu plan is the first cheese sauce my husband has liked. Which I’m singing the praises since I can stop trying recipes now. Thank you. You call this a cheese sauce but I don’t see any nutritional yeast in the recipe. This recipe doesn’t use it?

    • Team Clean Food Dirty Girl on August 30, 2018 at 7:07 am

      Hi Tammy, Woohoo! No, this one doesn’t call for nutritional yeast. Enjoy. ~Karen

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