When there’s too much pleasure

I used to find HUGE amounts of pleasure in drinking and smoking. I loved it so much that even the anticipation of doing it made me giddy and impatient to take my first drink of the day and light up. The cycle looked something like this:

Pleasure itself isn’t bad, but when you’re constantly chasing it, it turns into a full-time job. It’s as exhausting as it is exciting.

I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all solution for quitting the kinds of things that can put people into this cycle (cheese, alcohol, soda, fast food, cookies, sex, shopping, cigarettes, you name it) but perhaps some of my experience breaking free of this cycle can help others go in that direction.

Here are some things that helped me.

One
It’s often said you have to be “ready” to quit, which I thought was the same as wanting to quit. But I can honestly say I never wanted to quit. So for me, it wasn’t so much that I was ready, it was that the pain of not quitting finally got too big. When I reached the point where it was more painful to keep going than it was to stop, I couldn’t ignore my problem any longer. Being ready to quit doesn’t always mean you’ll want to quit.

Two 
Yes, drinking and smoking were full of pleasure. But you know what they weren’t full of?
The ability to feel the whole spectrum of human emotions, including but not limited to, contentment, happiness, joy, fear, stillness, sorrow, grief, and boredom. We’re built with the ability to feel all kinds of ways, and this isn’t by accident. The more we feel, the more we grow and the bigger our world becomes. The less we feel, the less we grow and the smaller our world becomes. Overdependence on pleasure is restrictive. Feeling all our emotions is expansive.

Three 
The only way I quit drinking was to stop putting alcohol in my mouth. The only way I quit smoking was to stop putting cigarettes in my mouth. And the only way I could do either was to stop buying them or having people buy them for me. This may seem oversimplified, but all the therapy, mindset work, programs and meditation in the world can’t make you quit if you don’t actually stop.

Four
When I had an intense craving and was tempted to go buy a bottle of wine or a pack of cigarettes (the corner store was only two blocks away at the time), I did the following:

• I told myself that just because I really wanted something didn’t mean I got to have it. I wasn’t five years old, I was 35. I could hold the disappointment of really wanting something and not having it.
• I went straight to my “embrace the suck chair,” sat down without any distractions, and opened up to feeling whatever came up. Instead of pushing my challenging feelings away, I gave them a dedicated seat in the house. I learned to truly sit with my emotions. When you’re open to feeling, there’s nothing to run from.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Nine years later, I’m still alcohol and cigarette free. My life doesn’t have as much fleeting pleasure as it once did, but it also doesn’t have hangovers, dry skin, bad breath, disrupted sleep, bloodshot eyes, low energy, a fucked up gut, 15 extra pounds, the inability to focus, and a lack of drive to match my ambition.

Saying no to intense pleasure every day changed the trajectory of my life in the best possible way. Could it change yours too?

Let’s make today’s Love Letter actionable!

1. Take out a piece of paper and answer the following questions:
   • What would shift in your life if you stopped prioritizing pleasure?
   • What is one thing you could do today that would result in deep joy instead of instant pleasure?
   • If you kept doing that, how would your life be different one year from now?
   • If you’re comfortable with it, share in our Facebook group using the hashtag #LessPleasureMoreJoy so we can support each other.
2. Read The Pleasure Trap by Douglas Lisle and Alan Goldhamer. Borrow it from your library or purchase from the affiliate link above. 🙂

Get in on this week’s plant based goodness. This food will love you up as much as you’ll love it!