I was trying to nap, and it clicked

Two Fridays ago, I went to the mountains to visit a spot my sister, Kirstie, loved when she was alive. My mom, my dad, and I drove up to celebrate and remember her.

At one point along the trail, I apparently moved in a way that my body did not appreciate. When I woke up the next morning, my entire right leg was in pain. I was limping and making all kinds of animal-like noises when I sat down or stood up.

When Monday rolled around, my leg felt a little better, so I decided to go to the Pilates class I had scheduled. If I’d stopped there, I may have been okay. But nooooooo, I pushed it.

On Tuesday, I went to a bodybuilding class, and on Wednesday, I went to Pilates again.

By Thursday morning, what felt like sciatica was screaming at me. I was in pain from my right butt cheek, all the way down my leg, and into my heel. It was the kind of pain that was dull and sharp at the same time, with no comfortable position to be found. I was back to moaning and groaning, but this time, it was even worse.

***Common sense note to myself and anyone else who needs it: If you get injured, let yourself heal before attempting two Pilates classes and a freaking bodybuilding class. 

I don’t know what it is about my personality that just PUSHES ON THROUGH NO MATTER WHAT, but it can be problematic.

I took it easy on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, but the pain was still there. Not enough to go to the doctor, but enough to keep me from doing my usual daily stuff with ease. Ibuprofen helped, but as soon as it wore off, the pain was back.

On Saturday, I was so done. I was grumpy, irritated, and tired. At 2pm, I decided a nap was in order. As I lay on my bed trying to get some rest, my butt, leg, and heel were not letting up. I tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position, feeling defeated and sick of the pain.

Then, all of a sudden, it clicked.

I asked myself, Molly, one of the many hats you wear is a life coach. How would you coach someone through this?
Ding, ding, ding. I knew the answer, and I knew what I needed to do.

Instead of being irritated, annoyed, fed up, and sick of the pain, I became still and allowed it.

I closed my eyes, focused on the sensations in my body, and just noticed.
When I took a breath in, I directed my breath in the direction of the pain.
I got curious.
Where was the pain exactly?
What did it feel like?
Was there a color to the pain?
Was there a shape?
I connected with the sensations in a loving, compassionate, welcoming, patient, and peaceful way.
In short, I accepted how I was feeling instead of trying to push it away. And you know what? I drifted off to sleep and woke up an hour later feeling better than I had all week.

Of course this worked.
Of course I felt better after I gave up the fight and accepted what was.
This is how I quit drinking.
This is how I quit smoking.
This is how I got through my divorce.
This is how I got through the death of my sister.
This is how I got through the many challenges of my business.
This is how I got through selling my gorgeous, roomy, bright home and moving into a small, dark condo (which I have grown to adore).

This is how I get through the hard stuff. 

Whether it’s uncomfortable physical or emotional sensations, this is my go-to tool.

Radical acceptance of what is.

Radical acceptance doesn’t mean you like it, condone it, support it, enable it, or agree with it. It means you accept the reality of the situation. This doesn’t mean the situation can’t or won’t change (it might, it might not—my sister will never be in her physical form again. My ass, leg, and heel, on the other hand, are feeling much better—some things change, some things don’t), it just means you no longer have an expectation for things to be different than they actually are. When you can see, feel, and experience something for what it is, THAT is when healing begins.

Have a beautiful weekend, my friend. May you work on finding radical acceptance in your life.

Molly