Love Letter takeover: Finding the light within

Hello, my friend!

When I talked with Brittany from Team Dirty before my recent trip, we decided she would write one Love Letter while I was away. Well, Brittany being Brittany, she wrote two! She wrote the one we sent on my 10-year sober-versary, and she wrote the one you are getting today. Even though I’m back from my trip, I really wanted to share her words with you, because I love the message and I think everyone will be able to relate. So enjoy Brittany’s piece (and peace?), and I’ll be back in your inbox next week.

Xo, Molly

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I was at a K-pop concert a few months ago that was jam-packed with screaming and squealing humans. It was a sold-out show with over 40k attendees.

My 12-year-old daughter loves K-pop, so I got us tickets as part of her birthday present. I didn’t have time to get ready (not sure I would have anyway, I rarely wear makeup), but it was a gorgeous day, and I was so happy to be with her, even though I’m more of an alternative rock girl. I took a selfie and uploaded it to my Facebook profile, and enjoyed the show.

When we got home, I looked at Facebook, noticed my profile picture, and the itty bitty shitty committee (brain) started popping off. Here’s what it said:

You have way too many wrinkles for your age.
I bet everyone will know which teeth are fake in that smile.
Your right eyelid is saggy.
And look at the angle of your chin and that random-ass dimple on the end. Ugh.
You should have at least put mascara on.
Someone needs to turn on that auto-airbrush setting! The iPhone could make you look decades younger. Try it.
And look at the darkness of the shadows on your face, not flattering.

This dialogue happened in less than a second and I almost deleted the photo. Then I thought:

If it wasn't for darkness, the light wouldn't seem so bright.

I’ve spent over ⅔ of my life battling addiction, self-sabotage, anxiety, and constantly searching for something outside of myself to "fix" me or make me feel beautiful.

But lately, I’ve come to believe the light must come from within. And that it’s up to me to find the courage to defy my dark past and not let it dim the light of my future.

Today, I do amazing things. I take care of and love my family. I love my work. I volunteer often.

But I am constantly second-guessing myself, wondering if it was ever good enough. I used to drink that feeling away, but I don’t drink anymore, and so that feeling is even more intense. It's something I’ve struggled with for years. But in the last few months, I’ve had this little ray of light beaming through me. A little more confidence. A little more patience. And it came from finally believing that I was worth my own time.

So if you're aging like I am 😂 and have struggled to find the light within, it's there.
It's not in the Deepak Chopra book under your bed.
It's not rolled up in that yoga mat you haven't used in ages.
It's nothing you can buy with a credit card.
It's not in that relationship you're chasing or wishing for.
It's not the Pinterest-worthy crafts you make.
I didn't find it at church, either.
The light is in you.

It's taking a real, honest look at yourself and accepting exactly where you are today, wrinkles, shadows, and all. And then taking action on what you want for your life.

Cue one of my favorite quotes from Molly: “You’re not starting at the bottom. There is no top to get to. You’re meeting yourself where you’re at today.”

If we can move past the self-doubt, numbing agents, and consumerism that make us think we can fill our soul with our pocketbook while looking flawless, think of all the wonderful things we could do instead. Sure, our itty bitty shitty committee will pop off with loud, discouraging statements. But shine the light on it and share your joy (even if you don’t think it’s good enough).

You’re more powerful, capable, and beautiful than you give yourself credit for, and your light is shining on so many lives, even if you can’t always see it.

Brittany