Last Tuesday I had a really bad four hours that led to clarity, direction and peace.
During those four hours it was bad enough that all I wanted to do was smoke a cigarette. That’s the quickest gauge to determine if I’m having a regular bad day or if I’m having a full on what is the fucking point of any of it? bad day.
As soon as I want to suck on a nicotine stick, I know it’s the latter and that things are not okay in Molly land.
So instead of smoking a cigarette, I went outside and I dug myself a hole.
This is not a metaphor.
I literally went out to my front yard, picked up my shovel and started digging.
As I dug, my mind was going fast and furious with questions, declarations, what ifs, self doubt, different scenario outcomes, jealousy, anger, sadness, self pity, and then scolding myself for how I was feeling and for not having all the answers, and then scolding myself for scolding myself.
I was a hot mess with a shovel, a sunhat and tears streaming down my face.
And I’m not a crier – nor one to have really bad days often. I’m usually even, happy, up for a challenge, and positive with a twist of cynicism.
But not on Tuesday.
Nope – my shit was coming unglued on Tuesday.
As I was digging my hole and crying, the image of an ocean flashed in my mind. I went with it.
Okay, so you know how if you get caught in an undercurrent of a big wave, the worst thing you can do is fight it, and the best thing you can do is go limp and let the water do what it will with you?
That’s what flashed in my head along with the ocean.
So I took a deep breath, wiped the snot from my nose and made the choice to stop fighting it, let go, and allow my emotions to have their way with me.
Instead of going limp, I kept digging.
As soon as I felt like I was ready to start pulling myself together, another wave would sneak up behind me and pull me under. So again, I would let go, go with it, and keep digging. This pattern repeated itself for a solid 45 minutes, and each time I allowed the emotional wave to take me, it got a little better. A little easier. It started to wane.
I started to see that everything was going to be okay. I noticed the sun shining, and I laughed because I also recognized that I wasn’t being uprooted into outer space (and if you read last week’s fuckery you get that).
After 45 minutes I stopped shoveling. My hole was damn impressive (gross, not like that).
I put the shovel and my pity party down, and I went inside.
My external situation hadn’t changed in those 45 minutes, but there was an internal shift that helped me see my external situation in a different way.
By the time I went to bed that night, I had made some decisions that needed to be made. I was at peace. I was clear. I had direction. And most of all, I was thankful for my four hour shit storm because it delivered answers where there were none before.
I was also happy that I didn’t run from the storm and take cover with distractions and cigarettes. It didn’t feel good in the beginning – I felt naked and vulnerable, but when I got through it, a huge weight had lifted.
Regardless of how hard you work, how good your intentions, how bad you want something, how much you think you have something figured out, how often you meditate, how healthy you eat, how many downward dogs you do in a day, or how much you think you have this business of life figured out, there will always be variables that are totally out of your control and capable of throwing your entire day / week / month / year into what feels like the fuck you bin.
When this happens, the only thing you have control over is how you respond, and whether or not you make the choice to process the shit that you were gifted from the shit show.
As it turns out, drastic times don’t call for drastic measures, they call for letting go and doing nothing at all except for feeling exactly what you’re feeling, and maybe digging a hole.
After awhile, the sensations won’t be as heightened. You’ll be able to start pulling yourself together. You’ll gain clarity. You’ll be okay.
And seriously, keep this reality close to your heart:
Regardless of what the “happy” experts say, it’s not possible or healthy to be happy and positive 100% of the time. We need to freak the fuck out sometimes and kick up some dust because we’re granted a new perspective and outlook once that dust settles.
- And this helps us get creative in our endeavors.
- It enables us to make hard but necessary decisions.
- It helps us apologize for being an asshole.
- It helps us to see a clear path where there was once only a 7-11 and a pack of yellow American Spirits.
- It makes us see clearly what we really really really want and what we only thought we wanted.
- It makes us not give a shit – which can be highly therapeutic and necessary at times.
- And it brings clarity to even the most puzzling situations.
If we don’t allow ourselves to feel exactly what we’re feeling, we won’t be able to move through it, process it and come out of it on the other side, where a new perspective awaits.
So I urge you not to run away.
Feel it even if it hurts. Even if you cry. Even if you look like a crazy fucking person digging a hole in your yard with tears streaming down your face.
Freak out. Get mad. Get sad. Own it. Throw your hands up in the air. Shout. Yell. Stomp. Roll around on the ground and throw a goddamn tantrum if you must.
Do whatever you have to do to feel it and let that shit out.
The more you feel, the more you are able to process and accept. The more you process and accept, the more you can release. The more you are able to release, the better you will feel.
At the end of the day, we can’t change the variables that we have no control over. Lucky for us, we don’t have to in order to feel better.
Today I’m answering another question that I got during my webinar a few weeks ago that I didn’t have time to answer.
Cold weather is coming and I could use some advice on how to incorporate some of the good stuff (like lots of greens and fruit) that I’ve been putting into smoothies and salads, cuz when it’s cold, I’m less likely to eat those.
Couple of things here. Just because it’s cold, I don’t want you to stop drinking green smoothies and eating raw green salads entirely. They might not be as satisfying as they are on a hot day, but they are nutrient powerhouses and should be eaten year round, even if not as frequently. That said, here are a few workarounds to adjust for the upcoming cold months.
Green juice is easier to drink when the weather is cold than green smoothies because they aren’t as cold. When the air starts to get a bite, sip on green juice most of the time, and green smoothies when you feel up for them.
Soups and casseroles are perfect for adding in lots of veggies and greens, plus they’re versatile and perfect for cold weather. When you start to ease off the smoothies and salads, bring on the soups and casseroles, and be sure to go heavy on the veggies.
Add raw greens to the bottom of whatever hot food you eat. The hot food will wilt the greens perfectly and this will up the nutrient density of your meal.
Stock your freezer with warm weather fruits when you still can (like mangoes and berries) and add them to your homemade salad dressings, make fruit spreads, and add them to healthy baked goods throughout the winter.
Eat a raw green salad not as your whole meal, but on the side with something warm and comforting.
Another thing to keep in mind is that the body likes to be nourished with the fruits and veggies that are in season. So if you live somewhere where the seasons change, your food might not look the same year round, but as long as you’re focusing your diet around whole plant foods that are in season, you’ll be golden (and without a cold or flu all season long).
Okay – we’ve covered some good stuff today. I feel good about things.
Here’s today’s damn tasty recipe. It stars that stupidly good Lemon Tahini dressing from last week
Buckwheat with Collards + Mushrooms, and drizzled with Lemon Tahini Dressing
Buckwheat with Collards + Mushrooms, and drizzled with Lemon Tahini Dressing
- Cooked buckwheat or any other grain - I just happened to have some buckwheat in my cupboard
- 4 cups sliced mushrooms any variety will work
- 4 cups collard greens chopped
- Lemon Tahini Dressing (recipe in link below)
- Sesame seeds to sprinkle on top
For the buckwheat
Use 1 part dry buckwheat to 2 parts water.
It’s entirely up to you, but I like to toast my buckwheat before I cook it because it brings out the nutty flavor. I also like to rinse it before cooking.
To accomplish both, rinse and drain the grain first, heat a skillet for 1 minute and then toast the buckwheat until it becomes fragrant and slightly browned. This will take only a couple of minutes.
The hot skillet will dry the grain and then toast it when dry.
After the grain is toasted, place in a small pot with twice the amount of water, bring to a boil and then turn down the heat and simmer for 15 minutes without a lid.
Since it’s usually just me eating buckwheat I usually cook 1/2 cup of buckwheat in 1 cup of water. This will make about a cup and a half of cooked grain.
For the veggies
Heat a skillet for about a minute until it's hot. Add the mushrooms and just a pinch of salt. When the mushrooms start to stick, add 1 teaspoon of water and stir.
Once the mushrooms become soft (about 3 minutes), add the collard greens and cook for 1 minute, just until they’re wilted.
Place some buckwheat in each bowl, top with mushrooms and collards, pour on a generous amount of lemon tahini dressing and sprinkle with sesame seeds.
I was taught never to wash mushrooms with water because mushies are like a sponge and they will soak up the water and dilute the mushroom flavor. Instead of washing them, I take a paper towel and wipe off the dirt. Easy as that. Some people aren’t with me on this and like to wash them with water. Either way is fine, I just like my way best. Okay - you can do this - now go nourish your bod!
I hope that you have a happy week. May it be filled with feeling your way through it until you’ve reached peace, clarity and direction. You’ll know when you get there.
I’m off to plant a purple Salvia bush in the big ass hole in my yard.